


Free Fall - The Berlin Chapter (Freier Fall - Das Berliner Kapitel)

by thelastaerie



Series: The Berlin Chapter/Das Berliner Kapitel [1]
Category: Freier Fall | Free Fall (2013)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-09-19 11:03:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 29,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17000358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelastaerie/pseuds/thelastaerie
Summary: Takes place two years after Free Fall.   A special work assignment sends Marc to Berlin, after he finds out Kay has been living there.  Kay enjoys his new life in Berlin and is in a budding relationship with a prominent politician, while Marc is determined to convince Kay to give him a second chance, he still has his whole life back in Ludwigsburg.My take on Kay and Marc’s reunion.  I hope love wins.





	1. Chapter One - Marc

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language (neither is German), so the spelling, grammatical mistakes, terrible writing are all mine, I am just borrowing these wondering characters to make up stories for my own peace of mind.
> 
> I don’t have full knowledge of how law enforcements work in Germany, so I’m just making things up.

_“Ever thought of just leaving it all behind? Taking off and starting over?” Kay whispered in my ears._

 

I opened my mouth, tried to answer... but nothing came. Kay looked disappointed, his face partially hidden in a grey hood. He took one last glance at me, pulled his hoodie tighter and started to walk away.

 

I woke up.

 

I rolled to one side in my bed, tried to recall the day when he asked me that question. It was such a crazy and foreign idea to me back then, I couldn’t start to comprehend why I would ever want that, I failed to realize it was an invitation.

 

An invitation to start a new life with Kay.

 

Then he got tired of waiting for me. He went ahead, did just that without me.

 

******

 

These days, I didn’t dream of Kay that often anymore. The dreams slowly receded as hopes of finding him faded over time. Only regrets remained. Two years. I had a lot of practice.

 

The first week after I unceremoniously returned his key to him, I was busy trying to salvage my relationship with Bettina and my son. I never examined whether I really intended to break up with Kay for good, I told myself I needed that part of my life to stop, that I had no choice.

 

By the time everything blew up in my face and I went back to his apartment, dreading what kind of reception I would get from Kay but desperate to see him again, I was greeted by an empty apartment.

 

I called his mobile and found it was disconnected. The next day I learned that he had left our police unit, no one knew where he went. No goodbye, no note, no explanation.

 

And I knew right away, that Kay meant it to be over. For good. He had finally had enough.

 

I couldn’t remember how I got through those early days. A blur between getting drunk and staring into emptiness. At that point, I no longer cared who knew. I knew people in the unit were whispering about Kay and me. I got into a fight with Limpinski, which finally got him off the unit. I got flattened on the floor by him, but it was worth it. I had a smile on my face as I was thinking, “this is for you, Kay. Sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me.”

 

Of course, it was all too late.

 

About four months after Kay left, one evening Frank dragged me to our usual bar for a chat.

 

I reckoned Frank knew about me and Kay right after I came clean to Bettina, but he never said anything to me. He helped me moved back to the academy halls of residence, he was there for both me and Bettina while we sorted out our separation. But this whole time, he never asked me or acknowledged what happened between me and Kay. I knew Frank, we had been best friends since forever. I knew he was hoping “the old Marc” would just bounce back, now that Kay was gone, everything should resume back to normal. That I would eventually get Bettina back and the four of us would be back in the bowling alley like the old days.

 

I grabbed the neck of the Becks bottle with both of my hands, I knew what question was coming.

 

 “What’s going on, Marc?” Frank eventually broke our silence.

 

I glanced at him.

 

“Are you just going to break up with Bettina? I thought you two are at least on speaking terms again.  What about your son? You don’t want to work it out?”

 

I rubbed my forehead, “we both agreed that we are not getting back together, it won’t work”

 

He took a sip of his beer, “I don’t pretend I understand what happened between you and Engel.” He sighed a little, “don’t get me wrong, I like the guy and I think he’s a good cop. But he’s a trouble maker. I am glad he’s gone.”

 

I tried to stay calm and control my voice, “Kay did nothing wrong. None of this was his fault.” Even saying his name out loud hurt.

 

Frank disagreed, “what did he expect? Getting involved with someone who has a family? I never told you this before, but that little affair I had with Britt few years ago? I had to end it because Britt was asking me to leave Claudia for her. Can you imagine that?” He shook his head.

 

I didn’t know what to say. Did I use to think like Frank? Was I annoyed when Kay was asking me to tell Bettina the truth? I didn’t remember feeling resentment, but I was a coward alright. Deep down I knew things with Kay have gone beyond an affair, or an itch to scratch like I kept telling myself. Probably right from the first time I gave up my resistance and finally called him to meet up in the woods. That day in the heavy rain, I was already falling for him.

 

 “I can’t get back with Bettina. It’s not fair to her,” I took a deep breath and added, “and I love Kay.”

 

Frank stared at me like I’ve grown two heads. He looked flustered, opened his mouth, then closed it again. To his credit, he recovered quickly, “sorry, I didn’t know.” He scratched his head, “I thought you were just, you know, experimenting. God knows Kay is handsome enough.” He gave me a wry smile, tried to lighten the mood.

 

 “I thought I was,” I said, “and then I wasn’t.” I returned a sad smile.

 

We were silent for a while, just sipping our beers. Then Frank coughed and said, “by the way, I asked you to come today because I have some information I don’t know if I should tell you.”

 

I turned to look at him.

 

“Well, seeing you like this. I thought maybe you need closure with Engel, I don’t know, say goodbye or something? So I asked Captain Eiden if I could have Engel’s new unit’s contact number. You know what he told me?”

 

That got my attention fast.

 

 “He said Engel went over him to the department head, he didn’t ask for a transfer, he quitted the State Police force.” Frank said, bewildered.

 

At first, I thought I heard wrong. What? Kay was not in the police force anymore?

 

 “Quit?” I could only squeeze out one word, there were roaring in my ears.

 

Oblivious, Frank continued, “ja, not only did he quit, he also made a deal with them. Eiden wouldn’t give me the details, but part of the agreement is that they must keep his contact details private. To be honest, Eiden was still upset that Engel didn’t come to him first. It looked bad for the unit, you know, the only openly gay team member and now it looked like he was forced out. So much for setting an example...”

 

I stopped listening, just nodded. That made sense, I tried to look up the database of other units in the State police to look for him and came up with nothing.

 

So now I knew. Kay didn’t want to be found.

 

Frank looked at me sympathetically. “What happened anyway? Why did he leave in such a hurry and why such secrecy?”

 

 “Limpinski beat him up after that party at my house. And I broke up with him the next day.” I answered robotically.

 

 “Shit,” Frank muttered.

 

No shit.


	2. - Kay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kay in Berlin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kay’s POV

Last week when I saw that light bulb flashed peripherally, I knew there’d be trouble.

 

“Hey, Kay. Nice jacket.” Horst, my team partner, pointing to that bloody picture in das Bild, waggling his eyebrows.

 

I took the tabloid paper from him, “shut up,” and playfully hit his head with it.

 

Damn tabloid journalist. And damn Jens for choosing that restaurant, apparently a known hot spot for politicians and celebrities wanted to be out and be seen. Unbeknownst to me, of course.

 

JENS WEBER DINES WITH COP BOYFRIEND - the caption screamed. Above it was a picture of me stepping out from a restaurant with Jens Weber, the young, up and coming, openly gay minister of the Federal Parliament. Some press even called him “the chancellor-in-waiting”.

 

There’s nothing scandalous about the photo, Jens smiled directly into the lens, like he was expecting it. Me, looking down just as Jens wrapped his arm around me. Well, at least I didn’t hide my face with my hand like a criminal, or a damsel in distress. Christ. Must be a slow news day.

 

 “So, it’s official? Going steady?” Horst asked, still had that damn smirk on his face.

 

 “No, we were just having dinner.”

 

 “Aww... Kay playing hard to get?” He just loved it when he could relay the gossip to his wife later.

 

I raised my eyebrows, “why? You jealous?”

 

“Ha. I won’t be jealous when Lieutenant Fuchs gives you a lecture about getting involved in party politics,” he paused, “actually, I am not sure if the department want to make you their gay cop poster boy or wanting you to keep a low profile.”

 

 “There’s nothing to decide. I’m not a poster boy of anything. And Jens and I are not going steady. Who the hell still say going steady?” I took my leather jacket out from my locker.

 

 “Hmmm... but does Jens Weber know you two are not ‘going steady’?” Horst clearly enjoying it.

 

I shook my head and laughed, closed my locker, “come on, let’s grab some beers, you lug.”

 

The fact was, I wasn’t sure what Jens Weber’s intentions were. We met during a protective detail I took part in few months ago in an embassy. He wasn’t the subject of our protection, so there was no conflict of interest. Jens seemed... smitten with me from the start. I was flattered, but also a bit wary, I was never a fan of politics or politicians. But Jens was friendly, he’s a handsome guy and he’s interested, so... why not? We had sex a few times, I thought that was the end of it. Then he started asking me out for a drink, a meal here and there - even when there’s no sex at the end of the evening. I’d admit I liked the attention and... the chase. Or being chased in this case as I almost never initiated contact. He was intelligent, funny and seemed genuinely interested in me. But then, he’s a politician, that’s what they were good at, right? I could never quite tell how serious this pursuit was for him.

 

But lately all this increased publicity, kind of irritated me, I didn’t want to be used as political props. I knew I needed to talk to Jens, before this got any further. But for now, I let it happen because being with him was easy. We were having a good time together, and no one’s heart was getting broken, that’s how I liked it. The opposite of what it was like with Marc.

 

Two years and more than 600km away - time and distance healed wounds, I’ve come to learn. Ripping that chapter of my life off like a band-aid was the best decision I’ve made. And I’ve made some shitty choices. But leaving the Baden-Württemberg State Police Force, leaving Ludwigsburg and leaving Marc - hard as it was at the beginning, it was the right thing to do.

 

A new start in a new city - Berlin saved me. In exchange for not escalating the harassment I received from the Ludwigsburg unit, courtesy to Limpinski and an indifferent supervisor, they let me go with a glowing recommendation. I decided to join the Bundespolizei. I still wanted to be a cop, it was the small mindedness that I wanted to leave behind. The federal police units were from all over Germany. Nobody batted an eye about my sexuality, people ribbed you more if you were a Bayern Munich fan than being gay, no more arseholes like Limpinski in the team, and no more pretending with random female colleague. I could be who I am in Berlin.

 

Marc was now more like a memory, but like phantom pain, it would pop up without warning - in some small hours before I was fully awake, I’d imagine what life would be like, if Marc was here with me, where we could both breathe freely. I thought he would have liked it here.

 

Pathetic. Like a scab that wouldn’t heal, I couldn’t help picking on it sometimes.

 

The unfairness of it all was, the whole thing with Marc from start to finish lasted less than six months. How could it hurt so much? How did I fall so hard for someone in such a short time? Someone who not only wasn’t available, but also treated me like the dirtiest secret.

 

It was not like I didn’t understand what Marc had to give up in order to be with me - I knew what I was asking of him, how difficult it was for someone like him. But still, I held on to hope, because when we made love, when he looked into my eyes, I knew I wasn’t the only one falling in love. Like a fool, I thought that would be enough. Until I realised the clear pattern that, whenever Marc felt cornered, the first person he gave up was me.

 

All I needed to remember was that day when Marc gave me back the key and “advised” me to ask for another transfer - effectively telling me to leave him alone - again. I stayed in that balcony for hours after he left, motionless, until darkness came. It was like someone had cut up my insides with a razor and then sucked out the debris. I was bleeding and then hollowed out. I’ve never felt such emptiness.

 

There was nothing to keep me there, I was all alone. Fuck this. Time to make a plan.

 

And I did.


	3. - Marc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc finds out where Kay is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marc’s POV

The universe was playing a cruel joke on me.

 

Last week when I arrived at Bettina’s apartment to pick up my son for the weekend, I found her waiting for me by the front door.

 

 “What’s wrong? Is Lukas not well?” I asked, worried.

 

She shook her head, “no.” She went inside and left the door opened to let me in. We went into the kitchen area, where Lukas was finishing his lunch messily on a high chair. I ruffled his soft dark hair, “hey, little guy.” He turned abruptly and sent all the food in his little bowl flying onto my shirt.

 

“Scheiße.” I muttered, couldn’t help but laugh. Bettina brought me a kitchen towel to wipe off the gooey food on me, and on the floor and well, everywhere near his chair. “He’s using his food as weapons now?” I jokingly asked.

 

Bettina smiled at her son indulgently, wiping Lukas’s mouth with a wet towel and fed another full spoon in his mouth.

 

I looked at the two of them, I felt... peaceful. No, grateful. Grateful that now we were in good terms, that we were co-parents of our son. It took time and lots of heartache but we both did the responsible thing for our son.

 

It meant a lot to my parents that Bettina allowed them to babysit Lukas two times a week when she went to work. And I got alternate weekend with Lukas. We were all still adjusting, trying to find the best way to do this. I knew Bettina has started seeing someone seriously recently, she hasn’t introduced him to me yet. And I was happy for her, though this also means the current arrangement could soon change.

I helped Bettina to clean up the mess. She was still looking at me a little bit funny.

 

 “Everything’s okay?” I asked. Though we separated under terrible situation, but I still cared about her a lot. Out of guilt or affection, maybe a mix of both, I would help her in any way I could.

 

She didn’t answer. I looked at her, slightly baffled. She went to the kitchen counter, picked up a copy of Das Bild and handed it to me.

 

“Are you still looking for Kay?” She asked quietly, without inflection.

 

“What?” I was taken aback.

 

She pushed that paper to me again. I took it.

 

At first, I didn’t know what I was supposed to look at. Then I scanned down to middle part. There he was - Kay.

 

JENS WEBER DINES WITH COP BOYFRIEND - was the caption under the photo. Kay was looking down, so I couldn’t see his face directly, but I could recognise that man’s profile from miles away. His hair was different, though only a bit longer. It was the cut, nothing obvious but it looked sharper, more modern. He’s wearing a dark grey peacoat, his long legs in a pair of black jeans. Still had his blond stubble, he looked handsome and sophisticated. And some lanky guy with a huge smile on his face had his arm around Kay’s shoulder.

 

Two years I was looking for him. I even checked social media sites, hoping for any clue where he might be. Nothing. It was like he just disappeared. And now here he was, in one of biggest national newspapers.

 

I read the small box of text next to the picture: a rising star in his party, Jens Weber took time out from debating the refugee crisis in Parliament, to dine in Grill Royal in Berlin with his boyfriend, who is a member of the Bundespolizei stationed in Berlin.

 

Berlin. Now that I knew, it was an obvious choice for Kay. And the federal police force, that was an obvious preference for him too.

 

“The paper didn’t say his name, but that’s him, right?” Bettina’s voice shook me out of my stupor.

 

A few months after we decided to separate, Bettina, who had always been more perceptive than I was, had asked me one day, “you and Kay, it wasn’t just an affair, was it?” It wasn’t a question, more like she figured it out and saying it out loud. “You really loved him.” She had said quietly, more to herself, “and you still do.”

 

I didn’t know how long I had been holding the paper. I nodded stiffly, “yeah, that’s Kay.” I felt strange saying his name to Bettina, having her witnessed me in this moment, when I didn’t yet know what to think, what to feel about this. I was still staring at that small 4”x3” picture on page 3, drinking in his beautiful face. Not daring to examine how much I still missed him.

 

I could feel Bettina observing me, I tried to avoid her gaze. I was afraid to see pity in her eyes. Or maybe a hint of schadenfreude? No, she was never a vindictive person.

 

“Marc...” Bettina started.

 

“You have the overnight bag ready?” I interrupted. I finally put down the paper, knowing I would get another copy to torture myself with later.

 

I needed to be alone.

 

She considered me for a moment, then said, “yes, it’s in the foyer.”

 

“We should get going. My parents are waiting,” I hastily added. She slowly nodded, left whatever she was going to say unsaid. I couldn’t read her expression, but my guess was she’s thinking: same old Marc, just running from his problem. At least I was no longer her problem.

 

I put my son in the child seat in the car and told myself to get it together. You can fall apart after you have safely placed your son in your parents’ house, I told myself.

 

I took a deep breath and started the car.

 

I didn’t remember the dinner at my parents’ house that evening. They asked if I was ill, I made up some lame excuse about doing extra hours because I just got promoted to Squad Lead. I didn’t care that my mother looked at me skeptically, at least she didn’t press further, which was pretty much the default reaction from my parents ever since they found out about Kay. The Borgmanns are good at ignoring truth they don’t like. Occasionally they would ask if I was seeing anyone. Any woman, to be specific. As if they’ve never met Kay, that their son didn’t have an affair with a man.

 

I decided to take up their offer to leave Lukas with them for the night. I needed to go home by myself. To do what, I had no idea. But if I were going to lick my wound, I wanted to do it privately, preferably with a bottle of whiskey.

 

_“Ever thought of just leaving it all behind? Taking off and starting over?”_

 

Kay’s words kept repeating in my mind. Seeing that picture was like seeing Kay leaving me all over again.

 

New city, new job, new lover.

 

 

******

 

 

_“Don’t you get it? I love you.”_

 

How I wish I had the guts to say it back to him when he told me that, when he allowed himself to be open and vulnerable. Kay has always been fearless. Those words were also what had been keeping my hopes up the last two years - if only I had the chance to see him, to let him know... maybe. Maybe we could start over again.

 

The urge to drive 6 hours to Berlin to find him surged through my mind every few hours, then followed by the crushing thought that it was all too late. That Kay had moved on, built a new life for himself while I stayed in a state of paralysis.

 

I googled Jens Weber but found no other pictures of him with Kay, I hoped that meant they hadn’t been together that long. Being only the 3rd ever openly gay minister in parliament, Weber was a bit of a media darling at the moment, he’s 38, young for a politician. He seemed to be in good physical shape and a sharp dresser, if you were into that kind of look, I thought sullenly. Weber mentioned in an interview that he had started seeing a great guy, that he’s very protective of this relationship, “he’s a very private person and I don’t want people going after him because they don’t like the policies I propose,” he stated.

 

Kay’s world now seemed so far away from mine. He probably never wanted to see me again, I thought. That was my constant worry. And do I have the right to cause him more grief? I knew I should try to move on too, and god knows I did try. But there seemed to be this invisible fence keeping me away from everyone, I felt restless, like I was waiting.

 

Indecisive Marc, same as always. I laughed at myself bitterly and took another swing from the whisky bottle.

 

******

 

As if the universe took pity on me, it has made the decision for me. Two weeks later, I was summoned to the headquarters by Captain Eiden.

 

“Borgmann, how are you getting on with your new unit? Being team lead is a big step in your career.”

 

I stood straighter, “I settled in very well, Captain. Thank you for the opportunity.”

 

“Good, good.” He gestured me to have a seat.

 

“I have a special assignment and I think you’ll be a good candidate for it.”

 

I nodded, waiting.

 

“You know there is an IMF event in Berlin next week?”

 

My ears pricked at the word Berlin.

 

“Well, the Bundespolizei is co-ordinating the with the State police there for security measures and they think it’ll be a good opportunity to get other state police departments involved as well. Sort of a half training, half preparation for us. They are going to show you the rope in dealing with these global events, do the after-event analysis and map out training needs etc. As you know, Stuttgart will host a big EU summit later this year, we will be part of that, definitely.” He paused. “You won’t have a problem staying in Berlin for three months? Your family...?” Eiden raised his eyebrows in question.

 

“It’s ok, I can go.” I answered immediately. My heart started to beat faster. I would need to talk to Bettina to make arrangement to see Lukas during that period, how and where I had no idea, but we’d work something out. At that moment I could only think of seeing Kay again.

 

Eiden looked relieved, “good man. You would need to get ready, you are leaving in 3 days.”


	4. - Kay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kay’s commitment issues and receiving a surprising call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kay’s POV

My mobile started ringing just as I was winding down the first five km run.

 

“Of course, I remember. Do you need me to bring anything?” I sat down on an empty bench by the lake, pulled the headphones out of my ears and spoke directly onto my mobile.

 

“No, just me. I’ll drive to your place around seven. Good?” I clicked off. Horst and his wife, Anna, had invited me to their place for a gathering with the team tonight, they had inquired if I’d bring Jens. Sighed. I turned to face the lake in front of me, took a few deep breaths, stretched my legs again. Getting ready to start another five km.

 

Finding Grunewald after I moved to Berlin has been a godsend. Jogging in the woods always calms me, clears my head. The area is quite popular with tourists, so it is not as quiet or deserted as the woods I used to run near Ludwigsburg. Here I would frequently run into other runners or families doing picnics.

 

Difference is good, it keeps the memory at bay.

 

I started running slowly into the forest area, thinking back on yesterday. The “talk” with Jens yesterday did not go as planned. I’ve been avoiding it for a few weeks, but with Jens now calling me daily, I thought I should make it a priority. Even though I didn’t have a clear idea of what to say, how do you set boundaries with someone who you don’t know if you are actually in a relationship with?

 

While the picture on das Bild seemed to be a one-off, I’ve gotten enough flak from my boss for it, I wouldn’t want to risk it happening again. My intention was to tell Jens we should cool it off a bit unless he could find a way to keep me off his limelight. I didn’t mind returning to what we had before - the fun meet up for sex, before this dining and dating stuff happened.

 

Apparently, that’s not what Jens had in mind.

 

Before I even had the chance to begin my spiel, Jens apologised for the Das Bild picture and promised he wouldn’t let it happen again. Ok. Apologies accepted. I was thinking maybe we were on the same page after all. Except suddenly he leaned in to kiss me on the lips, I let him deepen the kiss a little, then I gently pulled away.

 

“You are so beautiful,” he muttered, brushed my face with his fingers. Jens was generous with his compliments, it was part of his charm at the beginning.

 

“I had my moments,” I smirked, bemused.

 

He handed me a bottle of beer from the fridge - Dinkelacker Dark - he started stocking this Stuttgart beer for my benefit, he’s more of a Weißbier drinker himself.

 

“Listen,” he regarded me with, what I’d call his politician expression - calculated sincerity, “I want us to be exclusive.”

 

Ok... not that I was sleeping with anyone else at the moment, jumping to different bed every night is not my thing. I’m a one man at a time kind of guy. Though I didn’t feel the need to tell Jens about it either.

 

“And official. The press won’t bother you if we don’t give them a reason to. German press is not American, no one wants to read about the mundane love life of a politician - even if he has a very attractive boyfriend,” he winked. The flattery kept coming.

 

I wasn’t sure I liked the direction this was going.

 

When I didn’t say anything, Jens touched the side of my face, “you know when we first met, I knew I was in trouble.”

 

I raised my eyebrows. Where exactly was this going?

 

“You were the wrong kind of distraction,” he explained, “I knew the risk, but I still couldn’t stay away.”

 

I was what?

 

Jens must have read something on my face, he quickly added, “please don’t take it the wrong way. You know I like you just the way you are, your independence, your strong will. But I simply cannot have too many unknown risks in my private life. I mean, what do you do in clubs when you are not with me? How often do you smoke pot... “

 

At that point, I pulled away from him and had to stop myself from rolling my eyes, “you are joking.” I sneered. Jens grabbed my wrist immediately, “Kay, please. Hear me out. You know none of this bothers me personally. You know I DON’T CARE. But I have a responsibility to keep my private life as uneventful as possible. I can’t allow my opponents to use you to attack me.”

 

Turning another corner in the woods, I tried to keep my pace and my breathing even as I recalled Jens’s final plead.

 

“You don’t have to answer me right away. I know what I am asking is not small. But please, tell me you’ll at least think about it.” He touched his forehead against mine, said in a low voice, “you have to know, the mere idea of not seeing you again scares the hell out of me.”

 

But evidently not as scary as a ruined political career.

 

I slowed down my pace further in the last leg of my run, getting closer to the other side of the lake. I jogged down to a clearing facing the lake. I lit up the joint I rolled up earlier and took a drag.

 

Shaking my head, suddenly I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. The absurdity of the situation. Maybe there is something wrong with me. If I’m so irresistible, then how come I was always the first on Marc Borgmann’s expendable list? And Jens Weber basically told me I was a “beautiful liability” to his career?

 

 

******

 

 

I arrived at Horst’s apartment in trendy Kreuzberg right at 7pm with a case of beers. I could hear sound of laughter as soon as the lift opened - I hope no neighbours would call the cops later tonight - that would be hilarious to have the State police arresting us! I smiled to myself, I found the familiar sound of my colleagues comforting to hear.

 

Our unit does not always work together, we stationed in the Obstbahnhof building, but got assigned to different tasks and different partners, that’s how Bundespolizei work, which was different from the team structure in anti-riot unit. But we all got along and would socialize off duty as a group - something I seldom allowed myself to do in Ludwigsburg because of Marc. Dragging poor Britt into our charade was shitty enough...

 

The door opened and Stefan, the big Bavarian, immediately shouted, “more beers, just in time!”

 

He grabbed the two six-packs from me in one hand, had me in a headlock with the other. I laughed and easily got away from under his arm.

 

“And our own celebrity has arrived,” he announced. The joke got old fast.

 

I got into the apartment and said hello to everyone. The spacious two-bedroom apartment was packed with off-duty policemen and women and their plus one. I didn’t know how Horst and Anna could afford this area, now that all hipsters were invading after they’ve been priced out from Prenzlauer Berg. When I moved here, I chose Friedrichshain area for its more affordable rent and being close to Obstbahnhof and have been staying there since. And of course, Jens had a different opinion on that.

 

Horst gestured me to come over to the kitchen area.

 

“Hey,” I greeted.

 

“Just to let you know. We all might be on call later tonight.” Horst said.

 

“Oh?”

 

“There’s been a disturbance in the Mitte area an hour ago, some anti-capitalism protestors clashed with the local police and a few molotov cocktails were used, a few injuries. So we might be asked to assist.”

 

“Ok.” I nodded. We’ve been on stand-by and working in the background with local police force the past few days anyway. The big event was 3 days away.

 

“Probably shouldn’t be drinking then?” I raised my eyebrows. Horst laughed, “you try to tell Stefan that!”

 

I shook my head, “I’ll be his designated driver then if we didn’t get call.”

 

Anna joined us in the kitchen, I kissed her on cheek.

 

“So, where’s Mr Chancellor-in-waiting?” She inquired.

 

I knew I probably wouldn’t be able to avoid talking about this tonight. Being an outsider most of my life, this immediate acceptance or friendship offering I received here was humbling, but also took some getting used to. At least I knew both Horst and Anna meant well.

 

“Nah. I don’t think this is working out.” I grimaced.

 

Anna’s eyes grew bigger, “Oh Kay, I’m sorry. What happened? He seemed so smitten with you.”

 

I gave them a short version of what happened yesterday. Horst was so outraged by the time I finished, he was all red in the face, “let me get this straight, he said you need to behave like a boring accountant if you are to be with him?”

 

“That’s an insult to accountants,” I chuckled, “but yeah, that’s the gist of it. It’s ok, I’m not even mad. The craziest thing is that I don’t even want what he is offering. I just want to keep it casual and not getting my picture in tabloids.”

 

“I hope you told him to majorly fuck off.” Horst said, still angrier than I was.

 

I shook my head, “he asked me to think about it for a few days. I just wanted to get out of there at that point. I already know what my answer would be.”

 

Horst put his arm around me, “but you know who would be very excited to find out you’re free again? Remember that Swedish bodyguard from the embassy? He was asking for your...”

 

I shoved him away, “oh, fuck off. Anna, you need to keep a leash on your man.”

 

“Don’t mind him. I’ll be in charge of the match making from now on.” She patted my face.

 

“You two deserve each other.” I laughed. “Stay out of my sex life.” I told the two of them. Already feeling better.

 

I was just about to go out to the balcony to have a smoke, when my mobile rang. It’s a Bundespolizei central station number.

 

“Engel,” I said.

 

“Officer Engel?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Hi, Sabine Kölner from Bundespolizei Central here. We received a call from the State police, they have an injured policeman named Marc Borgmann in the hospital from the protest in Mitte tonight. Do you know him?”


	5. - Marc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc wakes up to a surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marc’s POV

Light. Too bright.

 

I gingerly opened my eyes, immediately felt the pounding behind my eyes. Splitting headache seared through me. I closed my eyes, took a few breathes, my chest hurt too.

 

I tried to open my eyes again, turning my head slowly to the left to shield the overhead light. I became aware of someone else in the room. A sleeping figure slumping in the hospital chair. His head of blond hair resting on the side arm of the chair in an uncomfortable position. I recognized that grey hoodie.

 

Is that... Kay?

 

I tried to sit up but found myself restrained with tubes from my arms and chest. I fell back.

 

I must be hallucinating. Or concussed.

 

I turned to look again. Kay was still there.

 

Pain forgot. I stared at him greedily. Two years I have imagined seeing him again. Somehow this reminded me of the time we were roommates in the training academy. When I used to secretly watch Kay sleep in the morning, he had always been a late riser - not that I could acknowledge the brewing attraction back then, not on a conscious level. But look I did plenty.

 

As if sensing my gaze, Kay’s eyes flutter opened. It took him a few seconds to orientate, like he suddenly remembered where he was. He slowly sat up straight and looked at me.

 

I tried to say something, but nothing came out, so we just stared at each other, I had no idea how long, it felt like forever, but probably just a couple of seconds. It would have been comical if my heart wasn’t beating so fast.

 

“You are awake.” Kay broke the gaze. I could be imaging it, but I thought I saw a hint of relief on his face.

 

Kay got up, “I’ll call the nurse.” And walked out of the room.

 

“Kay...” I said belatedly.

 

A nurse came in to take my vitals, she messed about with the machine. I kept looking at the door for Kay to return.

 

Finally a doctor walked in with Kay just behind him. Kay leaned against a wall, glanced at me for a moment, then looked away, while the doctor checked my chart.

 

“Your vitals are good. We gave us a little scare when you didn’t regain consciousness sooner last night, but there’s no definite timeframe for this type of injury. You may still experience short term memory lapse. We will run a few more tests later on, just to be sure,” the doctor rambling on, “And you have a broken rib, nothing too serious, just take time to heal on its own. Any question?”

 

“My head...” I asked, my mouth still felt like cotton.

 

“I can give you something for the headache, but don’t overdo it.” Doctor checked my eyes with a pen light one last time and left.

 

The nurse then asked for my insurance card, I was about to ask for my personal belongings, when Kay interjected, “I found it. I gave it to the administrator in the front desk this morning,” he told the nurse.

 

Satisfied, the nurse left the room too.

 

Finally. Just the two of us.

 

“How come you...” I began.

 

“You lost your mobile during the protest. They found a piece of paper in your shirt pocket with my name and my unit number on it, so they called the Bundespolizei,” Kay looked at me directly this time. I could hear the question he left unasked.

 

I nodded. That was almost the first thing I did after arriving Berlin and reporting to the Bundespolizei, I searched Kay’s name in their system.

 

Avoiding the obvious elephant in the room, I asked, “how bad was the protest? I don’t remember much after the blast in front of me.” I could still sense the petrol smell.

 

“A few injuries only, luckily. It was a molotov cocktail bomb. You were knocked unconscious on the ground.” Kay said. He furrowed, “what were you thinking running into a scene like that without police gear?” He sounded almost angry.

 

“I wasn’t planning to. I just came out of a U-Bahn exit when it happened. It was chaos. Then I saw one of the policemen fell on the ground, so I ran over there without thinking...” I tried to catch my breath, choked, and coughed. God, my chest hurt.

 

Kay walked closer to the bed but maintained a few steps away. He grabbed the water bottle with the straw on the side table and handed it to me.

 

I said thanks. Our fingers brushed briefly as I took the bottle from him.

 

Kay looked away, then back to me.

 

“What are you doing here, Marc?” He sighed, a little exasperated.

 

“Officially I’m here for some training that Bundespolizei offers,” I licked my dry lips, “unofficially, I’m hoping to see you.”

 

I peered at Kay, something shifted in his eyes, but his expression remained guarded.

 

“How did you know I’m in Berlin?”

 

I picked on the little loose thread on the hospital blanket, “I saw your picture in das Bild last month.”

 

Kay raked a hand through his hair, “right. That damn picture.”

 

I couldn’t help it, I had to ask, “why did you leave like that? I went back to your apartment a week later...” I stopped because Kay was giving me a murderous look.

 

His expression was tight, his eyes glinting, “of course you did.” He shook his head, “you are so predictable, it’s unbelievable.”

 

Then he delivered the final blow, “why did I leave like that? Cos I don’t want you to find me. I don’t want to see you again.”

 

Even though I knew, I had imagined him saying almost the exact words to me, it still hit me like a ton of bricks.

 

I swallowed, “Kay...”

 

I felt my chest tightened, there was so much I wanted to tell him, to explain to him. “I wanted to tell you I’m sorry that I hurt you...” I began, “I really thought I had no choice, you must know I never meant to...” but a fit of coughing caused me to fell back on my bed.

 

“Damn it, Marc...” Kay rushed over to the bed, he grabbed the hand towel next to the bed to wipe my chin. I instinctively held onto his wrist.

 

We stared at each other.

 

Then Kay’s mobile started to ring.

 

He slowly pulled his hand away, got his mobile out from his jeans pocket and walked to the other side of the room.

 

“Hey.”

 

“What? No, it wasn’t me. I wasn’t even there. Yes, I’m in the hospital now but...”

 

I listened to the one-side conversation.

 

“He’s a colleague from out of town.”

 

“No, don’t pick me up. We will talk later, I promise.”

 

Oh. It was the boyfriend. And I am the colleague.

 

“I have to go. Bye.”

 

Kay put his mobile back in his jeans, facing the window, he seemed to be contemplating his next step.

 

I cleared my throat, “thanks for coming to the hospital, did you spend the night here?”

 

Still with his back to me, Kay nodded tightly, “you weren’t waking up, and they couldn’t find your emergency contact.”

 

I wasn’t sure if I have updated my emergency contact details on my mobile even if they had found it, it could still be Bettina’s number.

 

Finally Kay turned to me, “I still have Frank’s number, I texted him after you woke up, so he could let Bettina know you are ok.”

 

I couldn’t read his expression.

 

“And I’m sure the Bundespolizei has notified your unit chief.” He continued.

 

“Bettina and I are not together...” I started.

 

“It’s none of my business.” Kay cut in. “I have to go,” he declared suddenly. And started collecting his jacket and backpack.

 

Panic. I tried again, “Kay, please - “

 

He quietly considered me for a moment, “get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 


	6. - Kay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kay’s POV

This is not happening.

 

I almost ran out of the hospital. Sitting in my car, I took a few seconds to collect myself. I tipped my head back and closed my eyes.

 

Last night when I got to the hospital, I hadn’t had time to process, everything happened so fast, they were asking for Marc’s medical records, emergency contact, his insurance card... the shock of seeing Marc again and the idiot not waking up, it had scared the hell out of me.

 

I went home, took a shower and tried to get some sleep before I had to report back to station at 3pm. I was bone tired, but sleep didn’t come easily.

 

_“Bettina and I are not together...”_

 

It made me so angry that it still affected me so much. Everything had been fine, the life I so carefully rebuilt here. And he had to come here with his apology. When he held my wrist, it was like the past two years didn’t happen - Marc Borgmann called and I answered.

 

Of course I had to leave Ludwigsburg the way I did, I knew Marc would come back, maybe a week, maybe a month, but he would be back. Nothing would change, just rinse and repeat. And I also knew I would take him back and take whatever crumbs he was willing to give, if I didn’t leave.

 

This hold Marc had on me... it had never happened to me before and I didn’t know how it happened. At first, I found it almost amusing that this nervy guy was obviously attracted to me. I would throw him a knowing glance, and his whole face and neck would flush with excitement or embarrassment. It was beyond cute. During training, he had never once mentioned any girlfriend, let alone a heavily pregnant one. In fact, we had never talked about girlfriends (or boyfriends) in those days. And I thought... I thought that was a sign.

 

Way to go, Kay, pining for a straight guy.

 

Even after meeting Bettina for the first time and learning about Marc’s impending fatherhood, I still chose to go ahead. I guess that was all on me. Looking back, I was probably falling for him by then, the destructive decision I made to go down this path.

 

I turned in my bed and sighed. Finally gave in and allowed myself to think of Marc this morning, my relief to see him awake. How the way he looked at me still pulled my heartstrings.

 

I closed my eyes, imaging Marc lying above me, touching my face and whispering my name.

 

......

 

The local police didn’t request our assistance last night, but we would need to be on stand-by duty the next few days, on top of our usual duties of protecting foreign guests for these events.

 

Horst caught up with me outside the squad room, “hey, how was your friend?”

 

I left Horst’s party in a hurry last night after the surprise call.

 

I kept it short, “he’s ok, a broken rib and a mild concussion.”

 

“He’s from your hometown in Ludwigsburg? I heard he’s here for the global event training. Way for him to get the first taste of these protestors.” Horst winced.

 

“He was just at the wrong place at the wrong time,” I said, “he wasn’t supposed to be involved in the actual policing work here.” I shook my head.

 

“Well, he must be a good mate of yours, you looked properly freaked out last night. Bring him over for dinner with us when he’s better, alone in the city must be tough for him.”

 

“What?” I was taken aback by the offer. I forgot how hospitable Horst and Anna are. But the idea of bringing Marc with me to... no.

 

“We’ll see.” I hedged. Walking a bit faster, hoping Horst would drop the subject.

 

But no such luck, “wait, what’s going on?” Horst touched my shoulder.

 

I rubbed my forehead, “Nothing is going on.” I sighed, “I’m just tired. We should get a move on. Aren’t we inspecting the venue this afternoon?”

 

Horst studied me for a moment, “alright. I’ll let you off the hook this time.” He smiled. The bastard.

 

I called the hospital to check on Marc’s condition after the venue inspection. He was stable and they did some more tests. I debated with myself if I should go see him tonight. If I showed my badge, they’d let me in outside visiting hours.

 

My mobile rang and Jens’s name flashing.

 

Of course I completely forgot I promised I would talk to him. God no, not now. I let the call go to voicemail.

 

******

 

The hospital was in dimmed lights and only a few nursing staff left on that floor. I opened the door quietly and took a peek.

 

“Hey,” Marc greeted me. He looked surprised and very happy.

 

I couldn’t help but smile back, “you look better.” Marc had some bandages across his chest under his hospital gown, he had a bit more colour on his face.

 

Marc beamed like I’ve just hung the moon.

 

I held up a bag to him, “they had someone retrieved some clothes from your room.”

 

“Thanks,” Marc took the bag, “good timing, I don’t know what they’ve done with my clothes and they are releasing me tomorrow.”

 

I grinned, “I don’t think you’d want any of those clothes back. They are probably in the hospital furnace.”

 

“Well, there goes my favourite jacket.” Marc commiserated, but he didn’t seem like he missed the jacket at all. He just kept looking at me with a small smile.

 

It was as if we agreed to a truce, both of us decided to sidestep the potential bomb. We fell into companionable silence, not unlike the times when we used to run together in the woods.

 

I should probably leave, it’s getting late... then I took a seat in the uncomfortable armchair.

 

Finally Marc broke the silence, his voice still a bit raspy, “hey, guess what?”

 

I looked at him.

 

“Remember Brandt from the training academy?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Remember you always said he’s like a ‘poet’ when he lectured us?” Marc did an air-quote.

 

I slowly nodded - I had a feeling where this was going. I grinned, “no, he didn’t.”

 

Marc had a twinkle in his eyes, “oh yes, he did! He self-published a novel last year.”

 

We both burst out laughing.

 

“Self-publish!” I was shaking my head.

 

“It’s a police procedural.” Marc gestured to me, “come on, give me your mobile, I’ll show you.”

 

I walked over to stand next to his bed, unlocked my mobile and handed it to him. He did some quick typing and tried to show me the screen. I moved closer to have a look.

 

“In the Face of Crime by Thomas Brandt” I read it out loud. “A missing teenager, a father with a secret and a detective with a dark past... very original plot” I rolled my eyes at Marc.

 

Marc wiped the corner of his eyes, then he looked at me solemnly, “You know I couldn’t wait to tell you when I found out about this book.”

 

I met his gaze, no longer laughing.

 

He tentatively reached out his hand to touch the corner of my mouth, “I miss seeing your smile.”

 

His hand moved to cup the side of my face, he tilted his head a little bit and lean in, his eyes focused on my mouth.

 

“Kay, tell me this is ok,” Marc whispered and pressed his lips against mine.

 

He smelled of antiseptic and something dangerously familiar. I gripped the bed rail tightly and closed my eyes. It was a soft kiss, just on the lips. Then Marc moaned lightly and I opened my mouth just a bit. He didn’t wait for another invitation and slipped his tongue in my mouth and we deepened the kiss. I could feel Marc’s hand now touching the back of my neck, his fingers softly pulling strands of my hair, as we began to kiss with abandon.

 

We parted to catch our breath, I buried my face in Marc’s neck, he softly rubbed my jawline with his bandaged fingers.

 

I didn’t know how long we stayed like this, until we heard someone clearing their throat.

 

We both turned to direction of the sound. A nurse by the door was looking at us with a hint of amusement, “Officer Engel? There’s a gentleman asking for you at the front desk...” she turned and found Jens Weber standing right behind her.

 

“Shit.” I muttered.

 

Jens looked chagrined. How long has he been standing there? He recovered quickly though, thanked the nurse with his best smile until the nurse retreated.

 

I just realised Marc was still holding my wrist on the bed rail. I slipped out from his hold and walked over to Jens.

 

Jens peered over my shoulder to nod at Marc, I had no idea if Marc

 

responded. Jens turned his gaze back to me, “can I talk to you outside?” He said without inflection, already getting out of the room.

 

I nodded and followed him.

 

We walked to the far end of the corridor, with the windows overlooking the hospital car park. I absently looked down and noticed Jen’s BMW parked next to my Jeep.

 

Jens drew a sharp breath and slowly let it out, “what’s going on, Kay?”

 

“I’m sorry. I meant to call you today.” I offered my lame excuse.

 

“That’s it? You forgot? And who is that guy? I thought you said he’s an ex colleague.”

 

I looked to one side, considering my answer. “Marc is... Marc.” I said unhelpfully.

 

Jens rubbed his forehead, “I take it that’s a code for ex-boyfriend? And maybe not so ex after all?”

 

I didn’t say anything. I hated the feeling of being like a student getting questioned by the schoolmaster.

 

Still managed to keep his voice low, Jens hissed, “this is exactly the kind of risk I was talking about the other night. How long has this been going on?”

 

I opened my mouth and closed it again, shaking my head. “My answer is no.” I simply said.

 

Jens knew exactly what I was saying no to. I caught a flash of hurt across his face.

 

“It has nothing to do with Marc, we are not together,” I added, softly this time, “but you and I, it won’t work. I can’t be who you want me to be.” I met his eyes, “I don’t want to.”

 

I reckoned honesty was the best policy.

 

Jens looked at me like I’ve failed some test, a disappointment. He nodded slowly, “when you wouldn’t even return my calls, I had a feeling you would say that.” He raised his hand to touch my face but changed his mind half way.

 

He slowly breathed out, “at least try not get caught snogging your ex again. I don’t need this kind of publicity,” he said darkly.

 

Then he turned and walked away.


	7. - Marc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc’s POV  
> This is more of a chapter where I set a few things up for the future.  
> Marc meets Horst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and happy holidays :-)

Even seeing Jens Weber didn’t dampen my excitement, I felt that kiss in every fibre of my being. And the way Kay had kissed me back, he must still have feelings for me. He must. Please. I was pleading to a god that I never worshiped.

 

I debated with myself whether I should ask him about Jens Weber. Obviously, I had no right to, I was also afraid what Kay might say. I just wanted us to go back to the moment before Weber showed up.

 

Kay was quiet when he got back into the room. He only asked if I needed a lift when they release me. I told him not to worry, I could ask the hospital to call a cab. He nodded, “I need to be at the IMF event for the next few days.”

 

Right. And I would need to report back to my unit back home and resume my training here. I still have three months in Berlin. Three months in the same city as Kay.

 

“Kay,” I tried to catch his eyes, “could we meet after the event? I want to...”

 

“You know this doesn’t change anything,” he said quietly.

 

That hurt.

 

After what seemed like an eternity, I ground out, “I understand.”

 

I told myself that’s ok. I wasn’t expecting him to welcome me with open arms. At least the last two days had given me hope.

 

I searched Kay’s face, tried to keep my voice steady, “but can we meet, as friends?” I said, uncertainly.

 

Even as I proposed this, I could feel the hypocrisy of it. Kay and I were never just friends, not even at the beginning. One doesn’t get all fluttery in their stomach just by being in the proximity of a mate. And I was always hyperaware of

 

Kay. Our friendship was built on mutual attraction. I didn’t know if I could ever be just a friend to Kay.

 

But one step at a time.

 

He studied me for a few moments, then he wrote something on the corner of a newspaper on the side table.

 

“Goodnight,” he glanced at me one last time, then he picked up his jacket and left.

 

It was his phone number.

 

******

 

Apparently, I made quite an impression to the local State Police and Bundespolizei. The police officer I saw who fell on the ground, I managed to push him out of the way and shielded him the bulk of the blast from the molotov bomb. I got a concussion and a broken rib, but being the accidental hero put me on the radar of the training Program instructor, who requested me to join him in the security control room of the IMF event, so I could have a front row seat to learn how they manage event of such scale.

 

My unit chief back home wasn’t so thrilled with my heroic act, but once they got the thank you from the Berlin State police, they changed their tune. Eiden gave me a “try not to get yourself killed” caution and then a grudging praise.

 

Frank had been trying to get hold of me after he got the text from Kay. We managed to talk on phone in the hospital just before I was released. Naturally, he was very curious about the text he received from Kay.

 

“So? Kay is in Berlin? What are the chances! I thought someone was playing a prank on me when I saw the text,” at least Frank managed not to alarm my parents, just told them I’d be leaving the hospital soon.

 

“Did you also let Bettina know I’m Ok? I probably should call her once I buy a new mobile,” I asked.

 

“Yes, you do that. By the way,” Frank lowered his voice, “Claudia and I met her new man the other night. Dennis. Seems like a nice, doting boyfriend.”

 

I listened with mild apprehension and relief at the same time. Of course I was wary of Bettina introducing a could-be-father-figure to our son, but I’m also relieved to hear Frank’s approval. It’s inevitable, she would meet someone.

 

The truth was if Bettina fell in love with someone else, it would suck because that means Lukas would have a new family without me in the picture, but I would respect her decision, because I want her to be happy. Whereas with Kay, it’s different. When I imagine Kay loving someone else—being with someone else —it drove me crazy. The image of Jens Weber flashed through my mind, I shut it down immediately. Don’t go there, I told myself.

 

“That’s good to hear, about Bettina,” I murmured.

 

“Oh well. So... how did it go with Kay?” Frank finally asked.

 

There were not enough painkillers for me to go through this with Frank over the phone. I simply said, “he’s been a good friend... but he’s seeing someone at the moment.”

 

“I’m sorry, buddy,” Frank sounded genuinely upset for me, “I guess guys like Kay don’t stay single for long.”

 

I really didn't want talk about this now.

 

I thanked him and got off the phone.

 

******

 

Turned out I didn’t have to wait until after the event to catch a glimpse of Kay.

 

I was standing at the back of the control room with a few other fellow trainees from other State police units, observing the operation, when I heard a familiar voice reporting through the intercom.

 

“Engel here. Blue room cleared and ready. Over.”

 

Kay’s unit was responsible for searching and securing various meeting rooms and the main dining hall for the participants. I could see Kay in his pale blue uniform on one of the monitors, he looked capable and in his element. When we were at the training academy, on top of being a good athlete, Kay also excelled in theory courses, that’s how he got away with skipping classes and other shenanigans. He has always had this ability to make everything he does seem effortless, be top of the class without even trying.

 

There were some large protests going on outside the venue, but they were mostly peaceful so far. Within the building, the security focus was more about gathering and analysing intel. Any threat received, no matter how unlikely, would be processed and investigated if necessary. This was certainly more interesting than keeping rival football fans apart in Ludwigsburg.

 

There’s a makeshift mess hall for all police personnel on site to have lunch, I was holding my tray of food and looking at tables when I found a tall guy with thick jet-black hair grinning at me.

 

“Hi there, Marc? Marc from Ludwigsburg?”

 

I nodded uncertainly, “yes?”

 

Instead of introducing himself, he patted my shoulder, “your arm sling gave you away,” he pointed, then finally he shook my hand, “I’m Horst, I work with Kay.”

 

I immediately looked around for sign of Kay.

 

Horst seemed to find it very funny, “nah, Kay is still busy looking for some missing gloves for Christine Lagarde,” he sniggered.

 

“Come join us,” he took my tray and ushered me to a nearby table, there were two other colleagues from his unit sitting there.

 

“This is Hanna and Michael. They joined around the same time as Kay,”

 

I nodded, sat down and said hi to both of them, still bewildered by Horst’s apparent forwardness. People say big cities breed apathy and indifference, Horst seemed to be trying his damnedest to dispel the misconceptions.

 

The three of them were still talking about the missing gloves.

 

“You should see Lagarde’s face, she was practically grabbing Kay’s arms, ‘you must find those gloves’” Hanna said with a terrible French accent.

 

They all chuckled. Eventually Horst gestured them to keep it down.

 

I watched all these with mild amusement. Horst winked at me, “politicians and diplomats are strange people to handle sometimes. And Kay seems to be a magnet to the strangest ones.”

 

Oh, I know all about what a magnet Kay could be, I thought to myself.

 

“I was in riot control unit in Ludwigsburg, so mostly rowdy and drunken football fans for us. Less glamourous,” I joined in their conversation for the first time.

 

Horst nodded, “yes, Kay mentioned that. He said it could get quite messy. I don’t fancy dealing with football ultras.”

 

I concurred. I wondered what else Kay had mentioned about his life in Ludwigsburg.

 

Then we started chatting about different protective gears and whether the controversial new crowd control tanks would actually make things worse.

 

“Hey, you were the one who saved Jogi during the anti-capitalism protest in Mitte few days ago, right? You were lucky it wasn’t some right-wing arseholes protest. They are the worst.” Michael said.

 

I shrugged, “any protest could turn into a violent one.”

 

Horst explained, “we worked with Jogi before, he has you to thank for to push him out of the way. Although I heard you jumped in without protection, that’s brave but also incredibly dangerous,” he glanced at me, “Kay was at my place that night when he got the call, you gave him quite a scare.”

 

I didn’t know why the only thing my fuzzy brain registered was the “Kay was at my place that night” part.

 

I stared at Horst. I didn’t know what expression I had on my face, but Horst quickly added, “we were having a unit gathering at my place.” He looked me with a knowing smile, seemed to be processing an interesting new information.

 

Shit. Get it together. Not every guy is going out with Kay. I told myself.

 


	8. - Horst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kay tells Horst about Marc.  
> This is a short chapter from Horst’s POV, I’m trying to add some depth/background to this character and his relationship with Kay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Horst’s POV

Kay stepped off the ring, his hair spiked up in different directions from the sweat. He half hugged me with a big smile on his face, “does that count as a KO?”

 

He beat Sebastian for the first time and was very pleased with himself. It’s been a long time coming. Kay took up kick-boxing with me soon after he moved to Berlin and got assigned to my team. He’s a natural athlete. A great runner, so he already had graceful and agile movements. After learning the basics, he progressed quickly, he was only lacking in punching power.

 

I asked him why he wanted to take up kick boxing once, he shrugged and said he was attacked before because he’s gay, “I could probably out run most homophobic arseholes, but I really wanted to beat the shit out of them.”

 

I never knew if he was joking.

 

Kay was a man of few words. He seemed quiet and laid-back if you only had a superficial conversation with him. But right from the beginning I could tell beneath his relaxed exterior, he’s vulnerable. That something was bothering him.

 

Especially the first few months after he moved to Berlin, he seemed... lost. Not the lost in the big city kind, but restless and sad. There was sadness behind the quirk of his mouth when he smiled.

 

He reminded me so much of my brother. My late baby brother, I had to remind myself.

 

Kay, like my baby brother, despite their sunny disposition, had turmoil inside and would never ask for help. I was too late to recognize the signs to save my own brother. With Kay - I knew I was probably worrying over nothing - Kay seemed perfectly capable of handling himself - but still I couldn’t help feeling protective towards him, wanting to be his surrogate big brother. Anna even joked we should adopt him.

 

“TKO. Though I don’t think Sebastian wanted to get back up anyway,” I patted Kay’s shoulder, “good job. My proud prodigy,” I put on my best impression of Johnny Lawrence, we’ve been binge watching the Karate Kid reboot on YouTube.

 

Kay raised both of his fists and shouted, “Cobra Kai!”

 

We both dissolved into laughter.

 

I put away our gear while Kay showered and get changed, then we walked outside to an overcast October afternoon in Berlin.

 

It’s been a week after the IMF event, our work schedule back to manageable level. Anna liked to feed the single members in my team, especially Kay, so he’s coming to our place for dinner tonight.

 

“Have you heard from your friend Marc since the hospital?” I asked Kay.

 

He slowed down, seemed to consider his answer before nodded, “we texted a few times, he is away in a Training Centre in the outskirts of Berlin this week.”

 

Marc Borgmann’s reaction last week in the mess hall was very interesting, to say the least.

 

“I met him at the IMF venue last week. What’s your story with him, anyway?” I quirked my brows, trying to keep it light, “he looked like he wanted to bite my head off when I said you were at my house that night. He seems really touchy when you’re concerned.”

 

Kay stopped walking, his expression was closed, he shoved his hands in his hoodie’s pockets. “It’s the oldest cliché in the world - he had a girlfriend and a baby, we had an affair. Then he broke up with me,” he said matter-of-factly.

 

Actually, that’s a lot worse than I thought.

 

I scowled, “wait, he’s the reason you moved here?”

 

Kay turned away and shrugged, “one of the reasons.”

 

Alarmed, I asked, “and? what does he want now? He’s not a stalker, is he?” Marc had a jealous streak, that much was clear, I needed to know if he’s prone to violence.

 

Kay shook his head, “no, nothing like that.” He met my eyes and smiled without mirth, “whatever he thinks he still feels about me, it’s not enough for him to give up what he has in Ludwigsburg.”


	9. - Marc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc tells Kay what he’s willing to do...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marc’s POV

I checked my mobile for the 20th time today. Nothing.

 

I hated this form of communication. The waiting, the self-doubt and uncertainty, it’s torture. Then I remember once upon a time, Kay scolded me for not even sending him a text for days after Lukas was born - god, I was a heartless arsehole.

 

We had been exchanging texts this week while I was away at a training Centre, just two hours outside Berlin. While Kay’s texts were mostly short and courteous, he had always replied right away.

 

Until I asked to meet him.

 

Just fucking call him already, I told myself. If I sat here by myself, I’d start imagining him being away on some weekend holiday with Weber, too busy to read my text... shit.

 

My mobile beeped.

 

> _Vincent Piano Bar around 4 pm today? It’s by the river side in Mitte_ <

 

Relief spread through my body. I quickly replied _> You bet. See you there<_

 

It hasn’t escaped me that Kay has been putting up his guard high and wide, regarding me with suspicion and hesitation. Kay, who used to go through life breaking rules for fun, speaking his mind and going after what he wants. I did that to him. I put the sadness that’s now lurking in his eyes there.

 

I found Vincent Piano Bar easily by the river side. It was quite busy inside, I kept forgetting how many tourists were there in Berlin. I spotted Kay quickly, he’s wearing his black leather jacket, nursing a beer by the bar, hard to miss even in a sea of people.

 

“Hey,” I touched his shoulder.

 

Kay turned around and his lips quirked. I felt that familiar tug of attraction right away. I’m so doomed, there’s no way I could just be a friend to him.

 

“You don’t mind sitting by the bar? I didn’t know there would be so many tourists here.” Kay asked.

 

I shook my head, sat down on the bar stool next to him, “what have you got? Dinkelacker?” I remember that’s his choice of beer.

 

“No, it’s a local microbrew. Hipsters’ choice,” Kay grinned.

 

“Oh yeah?” I ordered the same. Just happy to see him smile.

 

I took a sip of the microbrew... it was... ok. I made a face and Kay laughed.

 

“You couldn’t have picked a more ‘un-cop-bar’,” I commented. This looked like a place for fancy office workers.

 

Kay looked around, “yeah. I don’t want to run into my colleagues,” he threw me a glance, “Horst thinks you are a stalker.”

 

So Kay had told Horst about us. It didn’t surprise me exactly. I gathered they must be close when I met Horst.

 

“He seems friendly. You guys are close?”

 

Kay nodded, “he helped me a lot when I first moved here, he’s like a brother to me. And his wife, Anna as well.”

 

I quietly exhaled a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

 

“He’s a kickboxing champion, so don’t get on his bad side,” Kay smirked. Or maybe not really a joke. I laughed nervously, “duly noted.”

 

I took another sip of that awful microbrew, “well, I am no stalker, but I was looking for you for the last two years...”

 

Kay suddenly found the marble pattern on the bar table very fascinating.

 

“Eiden told Frank you asked them to keep your contact details private,” I said tentatively.

 

Silence. I thought Kay wasn’t going to answer me.

 

“It’s the only way I could make a clean break,” he finally said quietly. Then he frowned, looking slightly puzzled, “Frank knew about us?”

 

I licked my lips, “I came clean to Bettina. Actually, I think everyone knew by the time I got Limpinski off our unit.”

 

Kay looked slightly stunned, “you kicked that arsehole off the unit?”

 

My face warmed, “not quite, more like he kicked my arse, but yeah, he was asked to leave our unit afterwards.” I went on to tell him about our altercation in the locker room.

 

I felt about 10 feet tall by the way Kay was looking at me now.

 

I ploughed on, “I am not hiding how I feel about you anymore,” and put my hand on top of his on the bar table.

 

Kay stared at our hands. Finally, he sighed and said, “let’s take a walk outside. You hate the beer anyway.”

 

We settled the bill and walked outside.

 

The October sky was already getting dark, there was a chill in the air, fewer people around now. We walked in companionable silence along the riverside promenade. Kay just a step ahead of me, his hands in his jacket’s pockets. He seemed deep in thought.

 

I was never good at reading Kay, he always had this air of mystery around him. I’ve never met anyone like him before, I could never tell what he was going to do next. When I first met him at the training academy, I resented him. I resented his freedom, his boldness, resented the fact that he didn’t care what other people thought. I fought my attraction to him hard.

 

Kay came to a halt. I walked closer to him.

 

Finally, Kay’s lashes lifted, he studied me quietly, “what is it that you want from me, Marc?”

 

I met his gaze, “I want you to give me another chance. I want you in my life,” I closed my eyes, steeling myself, “in whatever capacity,” I swallowed.

 

I had thought about it long and hard the last week. I had no right to ask Kay to break up with Weber for me, even though it killed me every time I thought of him being with someone else. If this was the only way I could have a chance... I had to take it.

 

My mouth was so dry, it’s a miracle that I managed to get the words out, “you... I’m not asking you to break up with Weber,” my heart hammering.

 

Something flickered in Kay’s eyes, like he’s struggling to contain his emotions.  He looked at me as if he didn’t recognize me.

 

I stepped even closer to him, “Kay...” I whispered, reaching for his shoulders.

 

He all but fell against me, burying his face in my neck. Shaking his head, he said, “I’d be a fool to start this with you again.”

 

There’s so much pain in his voice, my heart broke.

 

I hugged him tightly, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” I kept repeating softly, kissing the side of his head.

 

I ignored the curious look from some passers-by and held him even tighter.

 

When Kay finally lifted his head, his eyes were bright. I brushed the corner of his eye with my finger, “please, give me the next three months to show you?” I could hear my own heart beating.

 

Instead of answering, Kay laced our fingers together. He cleared his voice, “want to get out of here?”

 

  
[Marc and Kay in Berlin](https://statewideinventory.org/subaru-0-60-times)

 


	10. - Kay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc and Kay have a pillow talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kay’s POV  
> Warning: This chapter contains a little bit explicit content, not quite smut but... I thought i should let you know.

I woke to the drowsy knowledge that I was relaxed, comfortable and surrounded by a sense of warmth and softness. A pleasant pressure on my thighs. I cracked my eyes open and saw Marc kneeling over me, with the head of my cock in his mouth.

 

I reached down to stroke his hair, “what are you doing?”

 

He paused just long enough to quirk his eyebrows and said, “good morning to you too,” and resumed his... morning exercise.

 

I fell back onto my pillow and let the sensation took over, “hmmm... don’t stop.” I could feel the smile around his mouth.

 

This was new. We never had mornings together before. Marc having had to go back to his family well before midnight, like Cinderella.

 

I whimpered and softly pulled his hair as he changed angle and increased his speed. I could get used to mornings like this, I thought fleetingly. I was allowed to dream before reality and rational thought re-entered my brain.

 

It didn’t take me long... the desperate need to be together from yesterday still lingered. Marc swallowed easily and licked me clean. I covered my eyes with one hand, panting. I felt like I’ve run five miles.

 

Marc rested his head on my stomach as I lazily rubbed the back of his neck. His breathing relaxed and even. I haven’t felt peace like this for a long time.

 

We barely made it into my living room last night before Marc pushed me up against the door and attacked my mouth like a drowning man gasping for air. When we eventually managed to get our clothes off, when his bare skin pressed onto mine, it was like we haven’t been apart for the last two years, our hands and bodies needed no time to get reacquainted.

 

_He’s going to break your heart again if you let him._ The rational side of my brain warned me.

 

Maybe. Maybe I was a fool to start this with him again, but I would be a bigger fool to think I could resist. He had me by the time he told me he’s not hiding about how he feels about me.

 

Still... I was afraid to look beyond the next three months.

 

I was about to think Marc had fallen asleep again and when he looked up to me, “do you have to work today?”

 

“No, we are on Embassy duties the last few months, usually get Sundays off. Next would be airports, I am not looking forward to that.” I explained.

 

He nodded hesitatingly, like he wanted to ask something else but wasn’t sure if he should.

 

“What?” I probed softly, stroking his hair.

 

He looked down, “what about Weber? Are you meeting him later or...” he trailed off.

 

Oh, right.

 

I kissed the top of his head, “you really think I’d be sleeping with you if I’m in a relationship with someone else?”

 

Marc whipped around to look at me, “you broke up with Weber?” His voice steady but hopeful.

 

I looked up to the ceiling, “I’m not sure if we were ever in a relationship. I sort of just let it happen, but my heart was not in it.” I glanced at Marc, remembered how he found out about where I was, “don’t believe everything you read in newspapers, least of all das Bild.”

 

Marc was grinning from ear to ear, “never read that garbage myself. It was Bettina who showed it to me.” He grabbed my hand and kissed it, “maybe you don’t think you’re in a relationship, but I can tell he wants you. He looked devastated at the hospital.”

 

I remembered the flash of hurt on Jens’s face that night, “maybe, but he wants something from me that I can’t give. I was about to break it off with him when you got yourself injured. So this has nothing to do with you.” I told Marc gravely.

 

I could tell that was a load off his chest to hear that Jens was no longer in the picture. He asked tentatively, “so no one special in your life since you moved here?”

 

Someone’s in a talkative mood this morning.

 

The first two months were bad. I recalled those nights I spent getting wasted and getting stoned in clubs; dancing with men, sometimes I went home with them, sometimes I got angry when they tried to pick me up. If it weren’t for the new job training and Horst keeping me in line, I didn’t know how long that downward spiral would have carried on.

 

I touched Marc’s face, kissed him on the lips lightly. “I didn’t sleep with the entire gay population in Berlin, if that’s what you’re asking. But are you sure you really want to know?” I raised my eyebrows.

 

I had had first-hand experience how jealous Marc could be, how he had lashed out at me even though he had no leg to stand on when it came to being faithful. That’s why I was so stunned yesterday when he offered to stand by while I date Jens.

 

He kissed me back, I could taste myself on his tongue. His face flushed, he conceded, “ok. Maybe not.”

 

But since he opened the floodgate. “What about you? You never told me what happened with you and Bettina.” I nudged him. Bettina used to be a no-go-subject between us before.

 

He looked a bit embarrassed, “she found out about those fake night shifts and moved out.” Looking right at me, he continued, “I told her about us and... she didn’t take it well. It wasn’t pretty, as you can imagine.”

 

It’s easy to drown in my own sorrow and ignored that Bettina’s world was destroyed too.

 

“Even though she moved back in later,” Marc continued, “but... it’s never the same. I don’t think this is something we could get past, so we decided to separate.”

 

“What about your son? Lukas?” I didn’t even know his son’s name until Bettina invited me to that fateful party at their house. That’s how unhealthy our relationship was, and I knew how important his son was to him.

 

Marc’s face grew softer at the mention of his son’s name, “yes, Lukas. He’s two now. He’s living with Bettina and I get alternate weekends,” he sighed, “but Bettina is seeing someone serious now, I worry that might change.”

 

I nodded. Marc has spent his entirely life wanting a family life, now he had to settle for raising his son on the side-lines. I worried one day he would regret... Marc still loved me, I believed him that. I just wasn’t sure if love was enough.

 

“Would you have come out if she hadn’t found out?” I asked quietly. This had been at the back of my mind since that day at the hospital.

 

To his credit, Marc gave it some thought and didn’t try to lie to appease me, “maybe I’d have stayed in denial longer... yeah, I probably would have,” he searched my face, “but I was kidding myself that I could just leave that behind, leave you behind,” he smiled without mirth, “It didn’t help that I thought about you every day since that day I returned your key.”

 

A day that I’ve trained myself to avoid remembering.

 

“You hurt me more than Limpinski’s punches that day.”

 

Marc had a pained expression on his face, “if there’s any consolation, I got what I deserved when I found your empty apartment,” he laced our fingers together and squeezed, “I’ve hurt everyone around me.”

 

I thought of that time when he accused me of ruining his life, I wondered what our lives would have become if I hadn’t asked for that transfer to his unit...

would he be happier not followed through with his feelings for me? Would I?

 

I knew despite all the hurt, I didn’t regret meeting him, didn’t regret that short time we were together.

 

I pulled Marc towards me. It’s hard to stay angry with someone when you were naked in bed with said person, I decided. We held each other in silence.

 


	11. - Marc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc gets a taste of living in Berlin with Kay  
> And a dinner with Horst and Anna

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains some explicit content, I hope this is ok :-)

I looked further up the path and just about caught a glimpse of Kay’s black hoodie turning the next corner. Goddamnit, why was Kay running so fast? We were supposed to be jogging - together - in Grünewald, not competing in a marathon.

 

Reminded myself to breathe evenly, I began to steadily increase my pace. Finally, five minutes later, I came to a clearing and found Kay sitting on a concrete bench, rolling a joint.

 

I came to a halt in front of him and playfully hit the back of his head, “you are such a show off.”

 

He sniggered, his tongue sticking out to lick the rolling paper to seal his joint. I bent down to kiss him, sucking on his tongue. He smelt like clean sweat and forest.

 

When I stood back up again, Kay was looking at me with his trademark smirk, his eyes gestured to the left, where a group of family just arrived with their picnic basket.

 

I raised my eyebrows and took away the joint from his hand, “I don’t know how you get away with this habit for so long, being a cop and all that.”

 

“Pussy,” he accused me softly. I felt a tingle of emotion hearing the similar word. I kissed him again, just a light one on the lips.

 

“I supposed kissing in public is slightly more acceptable than getting stoned?” Kay drawled.

 

It was almost alarming how quickly I got over my inhibitions in few short weeks. There is not hiding the fact I like men; and then there is publicly showing the fact that I like men. Maybe because it was Kay, maybe because we were in Berlin where I didn’t know anyone, but now I actually enjoyed the luxury of being able to hold his hand in restaurants, to greet each other with a kiss. It thrilled me and I could tell it made Kay happy, like I was passing some imaginary test.

 

It’s been six weeks since I arrived Berlin, with my training schedule and Kay’s work shifts, I couldn’t spend as much time with him as I would like. But when we did get together, it was vastly different from before - when we had only ever spent time either running in the woods or stealing a few hours in Kay’s apartment. We hadn’t even gone back to the gay club because of the argument I had with Bettina the next day. Now we’d have dinner in restaurants, have drinks in bars, we jogged in parks packed with families and tourists.

 

Out in the open and free to be who we are.

 

We usually ended up in Kay’s apartment at night. This new experience of spending an entire day with Kay, free of guilt and worry. It was addictive. The other day, I stared at the extra toothbrush I started leaving in Kay’s apartment, it just hit me how easy it was to take this for granted, and how much I wanted to wake up with him every morning.

 

I was not stupid enough to ask Kay for a key to his apartment this time. Kay hasn’t said anything, but I knew we needed to talk, and I needed to have a plan after these three months.

 

We drove back to Kay’s apartment after the run. I had brought a change of clothes with me, so I didn’t have to go back to my hotel room. We were going to Horst’s apartment for dinner later.

 

I was quite certain it was Horst’s idea and Kay has been putting it off for a while. My guess was I might not be high on Horst’s “most trustworthy” list. I also reckoned it would be like meeting Kay’s family.

 

Back then, I had been too self-absorbed in my own situation, I had never asked him about his family. I had been afraid to know more about him, to get too close... even now, Kay rarely volunteered details of his family. I only just learned that his mother was living in Stuttgart with her second husband and his step brother. When I asked about his father, Kay only shrugged and said, “he is not a nice man. He left us when I was 10.”

 

We jumped into the shower together and turned the water on full blast. I immediately backed him to the bathroom wall. He had a boyish smile on his face, almost shy. I began to kiss the corner of his mouth, his jawline, his neck. He smelt like wet skin and citrus soap, I wanted to fuck him into next Sunday...

 

I reached behind him and gently probed with my finger, my eyes meeting his, seeking permission. Kay parted his legs further to allow me better access, closing his eyes. I gathered more soapy water and slowly put my finger in. He dropped his head on my shoulder and moaned softly, the best sound in the world. I began to push my finger in and out, then added a second finger. Kay whimpered and bit my shoulder, nuzzling my neck, he’s pliable in my hands.

 

I pulled out my fingers, kissed him on the mouth again and turned him around to face the wall. I lathered the soap on my cock, kissing the nape of his neck and slowly entered him.

 

I knew I had to work on my jealous impulse, but last week after a slightly awkward conversation, we decided it was safe for us to do without condoms. Another new luxury now I couldn’t get enough of.

 

I grabbed one of his hands on the bathroom tile and laced our fingers together. His other hand guided mine to his cock as we began a perfect rhythm of pushing and pulling, our wet skins meeting in a cascade of warm water.

 

******

 

We walked to Horst’s apartment in Kreuzberg in less than 30 minutes, just across the river from Kay’s in Friedrichshain. Kreuzberg was unlike any place I’ve ever been, definitely nothing like the suburb of Ludwigsburg. It was hip, artsy, multicultural and more importantly, Kay loved it. He was pointing out cafes and bars, his usual hangouts in the area to me as we walked. We went into a wine and craft beer shop on our way, Kay seemed to know the owner and they were conversing in English.

 

“More craft beers?” I looked at the bottles Kay was holding suspiciously.

 

Kay laughed, “Horst loves them.” He rolled his eyes, whispered, “I know, right? Berliners, what do they know about beer?” I smiled and nodded in solidarity. Then he took a bottle of red wine from the shelves, “we can drink this.”

 

Horst greeted me with a stern stare, quickly followed by a smile. I guess that set the tone of the evening.

 

Anna was a lovely woman and very friendly. Kay told me she’s only 10 years older than us, but she’s very maternal to most of Horst’s team members. She kissed my cheeks, took a good look at me and commented, “Kay has good taste.”

 

I decided I liked her.

 

Kay helped set up the table with a familiarity like he’s in his own home. I knew it was partly because of me, back then Kay had always been seen as a loner in our unit, an outsider. Even that half-hearted attempt to pretend with Britt hadn’t lasted long. At that time, I was just relieved that he wasn’t close to anyone who might find out about us. I had never seen him with his own friends before.

 

As I took the beers and wines we brought to the kitchen for Anna, I noticed Horst pulled Kay aside in the living room and they were talking in low voices. The open plan kitchen allowed me to have a peripheral view of them, Kay’s brow furrowed as he listened to Horst. I chewed my lips in worry.

 

Anna wrapped her arm around me, “Horst is just looking out for Kay, he can’t help it.” Then she turned away to gather some napkins and causally added, “don’t break Kay’s heart and you’ll be fine.”

 

We sat around the dinner table, the food was excellent. I missed home-cooked meals, Kay and I cooked at his place a few times but mostly just pasta dishes. I could see where Kay has been getting his dinners from.

 

As expected, Horst was appalled that Kay and I chose red wine over his craft beer.

 

“Another few years in Berlin, you’d all learn to be like a real beer drinker.” Horst announced.

 

Kay snorted, “real hipster, you mean? Thanks. I’ll stick with dunkel beer.”

 

“You do know Baden-Württemberg has the most breweries in the country after Bavaria?” I joined in.

 

Horst raised his glass, “guess we can’t take the South-western country boys out of the two of you.”

 

Kay gave Horst the finger in jest, we all laughed. I reached out to ruffle Kay’s hair and saw Anna watching us. She winked at me.

 

“Marc, Kay mentioned you have a son. How old is he?” Anna asked.

 

I felt three pairs of eyes on me. I nodded, “Lukas. Yes, he’s two now.”

 

Under Anna’s expectant look, I felt compelled to dig out my wallet and showed her a picture of Lukas.

 

“Oh, he’s a beautiful boy, look at those eyes,” she said with genuine affection, not just out of politeness. She shared it with Horst, whose eyes grew gentle and nodded. The picture seemed to make Anna even more maternal. She passed it back to me.

 

“Let me see?” Kay suddenly leaned over to my side to study the picture, I instinctively put my arm around him. I just realised I’ve never shown him Lukas’s photos.

 

“He has your stubborn mouth and chin.” Kay decided, his mouth quirked.

 

I chuckled, “what is a stubborn mouth anyway?” I put away the picture and asked Anna and Horst without thinking, “what about you two? Any plan...”

 

The silence only lasted a few seconds, but I could tell I’ve touched on a sensitive subject.

 

Horst held Anna’s hand on the table, “we had a few rounds of IVF but no luck. We decided it is what it is. We don’t want to become a couple who’s obsessed with it.”

 

Kay reached over the table and touched Anna’s hand, “plus they already adopted me.” Anna laughed, her eyes bright, “well, someone needs to tell you pot is not food.”

 

We finished the dinner with a round of espresso from their new kitchen gadget. Kay and Horst were talking about their work schedule for the next two weeks, when Anna invited me to come for dinner again next Friday.

 

“Sorry, but I will be in Ludwigsburg next weekend, I got a few days off from training and I haven’t seen Lukas for a few weeks.” I could feel Kay’s body tensed just a fraction. I looked over at him, he was still facing Horst.

 

I was planning to tell Kay about this tonight when we got back to his apartment.

 

Kay was quiet when we walked back to his apartment, I reached for his hand and was relieved when he let me hold it.

 

“It’s just for a few days. I’ll be back on Monday.” I said quietly.

 

Still not looking at me, “I understand,” he nodded. After a beat, he finally lifted his lashes, “but what about when your training here is over?”

 


	12. - Marc in Ludwigsburg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc back in Ludwigsburg - a gathering of old and new friends  
> Bettina’s reaction to Marc and Kay being back together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marc’s POV

“Look at us! You can’t say we are not progressive,” Frank said to me when I went to the kitchen to get more ice.

 

He was referring to the fact that he has organised a little gathering in my house on my behalf, with him and Claudia, me, Lukas, Bettina and her new boyfriend, Dennis.

 

I gave him a hard stare. I wasn’t prepared for this. I was hoping to spend a few quiet days with my son, talk to Bettina about my plan, maybe have dinner with my parents and then go back to Berlin. Back to Kay.

 

I was surprised Bettina accepted the invite. Maybe she was doing the grown-up thing and was eager to introduce Dennis to me. They must be getting serious.

 

“You really pulled one over on me this time,” I told him.

 

Frank had the decency to look sheepish, “It was actually Bettina’s idea. She wants to put you at ease about Dennis. You should appreciate what she’s doing.”

 

I nodded. In a way, I understood. I just felt a bit threatened that while I was away, there was this new person playing dad to my son. At least Lukas still remembered me, I thought sullenly.

 

Dennis seemed like a decent guy. He’s a civil engineer for a major construction company, Bettina met him through her work colleague. He was friendly with Lukas, but not overly familiar, he could be just doing that for my benefit, but I appreciated the effort all the same.

 

When I saw Bettina today, I was almost seeing the old Bettina again - she was glowing and happy. A loving and steady relationship suited her, it seemed. And I was happy for her, I really was. That was a load off my conscience. Remembering the first few months after she found out about Kay and my lies, she was alternating between despair and simmering rage.

 

It was largely because of Lukas that she decided to get over her hurt and allow us to rebuild our relationship. Now we were civil, almost friendly to each other. We would even share a meal together with common friends.

 

The weather was mild by late November standard and the sun has come out. We wrapped up Lukas in warm clothes and let him play in the garden with his new toy car. And turning on the two outdoor heaters, so we could eat on the porch, to give everyone a bit more breathing space. I certainly needed it.

 

My mobile rang just as Frank and I were about to re-join the others outside. Kay’s smiling picture flashing across my phone, I pushed the bag of ice into Frank’s arms and nudged him to get going. He sneaked a look on my mobile and raised his eyebrows. Shaking his head, he went outside.

 

I swiped to take the call, “hey.”

 

“Is this a bad time?” Kay asked.

 

“No, everyone is at my house, that’s all. What’s up?” I asked softly and glanced outside to see if anyone was looking before I remembered... shit, old habit die hard.

 

“Listen, I don’t want you to freak out. We are safe, but there’s a major incident at Schönefeld airport today, it’s still active, so I will be working here probably all night,” Kay explained.

 

“Shit. What happened?” I couldn’t believe it. It was the first week Kay’s team stationed at the airport. I went to the living room to turn on the news channel on tv. The airport was packed with armed police and sniffer dogs. They already called the anti-terrorism unit.

 

“We found two homemade bomb devices, they don’t work, but we are still searching,” Kay continued, he sounded serious but not overly worried. Then he was talking off the phone to someone else, then back to me, “hey, I have to go.”

 

“Be careful,” I hurried to say.

 

“I will. I love you,” he whispered, then he was off.

 

I just stood there with the mobile in my hand for a while. Remembering what I said to him two days ago before I left for Ludwigsburg - “I want us to be together. I will sort it out, I promise.” I kissed him on the lips, “I love you.”

 

It was the first time I said that to Kay. But it’s a fact I’ve known for two years.

 

Christ. Now I just wanted to sit here and watched the news. But I forced myself to go outside to join the others.

 

Frank patted my back when I sat down, “trouble in paradise?” He asked cheekily. I could see both Bettina and Dennis looking at me.

 

I glared at him. I have told Frank that Kay and I were back together this morning, but I haven’t had the chance to tell anyone else yet. Anyone else in Ludwigsburg.

 

“There’s an incident in Schönefeld airport,” I said.

 

That got everyone’s attention.

 

“Terrorism?” Frank asked.

 

“Not sure yet. No one is hurt. They found two non-functioning bombs, but they are still searching and the airport is in lockdown. They have sent in the anti-terrorism unit already.” I told them what I saw on tv.

 

“They won’t say until they have evidence. Probably a good thing, not to create unnecessary panic.” Dennis looked concerned, “you have colleagues working there?”

 

My face felt warm, I nodded hesitantly, “Kay’s team is there.” I sneaked a look at Bettina.

 

Her face was devoid of any expression.

 

“Shit.” Frank muttered, “first you got hurt in a protest. Now Kay is in the middle of a possible attack. Berlin is definitely full of action.”

 

Dennis looked like he had no idea what we were talking about, but he must have sensed something too, he looked at Bettina to gauge her reaction. “Well, I hope your friend’s ok,” he said to me sincerely.

 

I nodded, “thanks.” Still avoiding Bettina’s eyes.

 

Always the peacemaker, Claudia got up to propose a toast, “well, there’s nothing we can do from here. Let’s hope all our loved ones are safe. Here’s to old and new friends.”

 

Frank gave his wife a kiss on her cheek. We all raised our glasses.

 

While Dennis helped Frank to clean up the garden area, Bettina took Lukas inside to the kitchen, with his little backpack.

 

“Thanks for letting Lukas stay with me this weekend. I know it was short notice,” I turned to Bettina, taking Lukas’s backpack from her.

 

“Dada, I want to watch die Maus,” Lukas looked up to me.

 

“What?” I laughed, crunched down to him, “which mouse?”

 

“He’s obsessed with that old kids tv show ‘Die Sendung mit der Maus’ these days, I have two DVDs in his backpack. Don’t let him watch them for too long, ok?” Bettina explained.

 

I kissed the top of Lukas’s head and stood back up, “I won’t. I will take him to my parents for lunch tomorrow, if you need to reach us.”

 

She nodded and let Lukas ran over to the living room to his favourite aunt, Claudia.

 

Co-parenting arrangement talk done, we stood facing each other awkwardly. I could feel she wanted to ask me something, but something was holding her back.

 

I touched the back my neck, gathering up my courage, I forced myself to look at her directly, “I... Kay and I are back together.” I said.

 

She stared at me and nodded slowly. After a beat, frowning slightly, she asked, “I thought he was going out with that politician?” There was no malice in her voice, just curiosity.

 

Flustered, I couldn’t help but smile a little, “not anymore. Kay broke up with him.” I still couldn’t believe my luck. That afternoon at the riverside when I asked him to give me a chance, even if he was seeing Weber... I was steeling myself for months of agony.

 

Bettina had a peculiar expression on her face, she looked at me for a long moment, “the two of you...” shaking her head in disbelief, “just messing with other people’s heart while you two...” she stopped. Then she chuckled, bitterly, “at least it’s not my problem now.”

 

I hung my head in shame, “I know I had made a mess of our situation and I’m sor...”

 

“Our _situation_? You were unfaithful to me and you were thinking of him while I was pregnant with your child!” She bit out.

 

“Bettina...it wasn’t like that...” I was making it worse with every word out of my mouth, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.

 

“It was exactly like that. You and Kay. The hell with everyone else, right?”

 

By that time, both Frank and Dennis have come into the kitchen to see what the commotion was. Dennis went over to Bettina, he wrapped his arm around her, “are you ok? what happened?”

 

Bettina shook her head, “nothing. Just Marc being Marc.” She gave me a withering look.

 

I opened my mouth and then closed it again. I had hoped that I could talk to Bettina about Lukas, about my plan after these three months in Berlin. What

Bettina thought about me, about me and Kay being together would be instrumental, if I wanted to have both Kay and Lukas in my life. But perhaps I’ve done enough damage for today, I did not want to risk damaging the delicate balance we have established the last two years.

 

I swallowed and searched for Bettina’s face again, “I will take Lukas back to your place on Sunday night, ok?”

 

After calming down in Dennis’s arms, Bettina seemed uncomfortable with her own outburst as well. She gave me a curt nod, “fine.”

 

I secretly exhaled. I shook Dennis’s hand and thanked him for coming. He looked at me with a mix of sympathy and confusion. I was sure Bettina would fill him in later.

 

 “Well, that could have gone better,” Frank muttered after the door was closed.

 


	13. - Marc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc back with Kay in Berlin.  
> Some friendly warning from Horst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marc’s POV 
> 
> Note: sorry for the little cliffhanger at the end, but I want the next scene to be Kay’s POV in the next chapter :-)
> 
> Thank you for reading.

“It’s ok if she hates me. I’d hate me too, if I were in her shoes.” Kay said as he mulled over what I just told him. About Bettina’s reaction last week.

 

“No, it’s not ok,” I locked my arms around him from behind, we were lying in bed in Kay’s apartment. He has just been released from shift duty after two manic days at the airport. We were both bone tired, so coddling in bed was exactly what we needed.

 

I drove nearly six hours directly to his apartment from Ludwigsburg this evening. My trip back home had been a mix bag. Ironically, apart from seeing Lukas, meeting Dennis had almost been the only highlight. Frank was right, he seemed like a dependable and sensible guy. Grudgingly I agreed he would be a good influence on Lukas - if he and Bettina did take that step. I still felt uneasy about this prospect, but it was out of my hand. Bettina was in better mood when I dropped off Lukas at her home, we agreed we would talk more when I had another break in two weeks’ time. That was all I could ask for from her for now. Comparing to my parents, I’d call that progress.

 

Mum and dad had not taken the news about Kay and I back together well. “Why, Marc? I thought that part of your life is over, that you were over that man,” my mother had cried. My father hadn’t uttered a word about it, but he had made it quite clear I had been a disappointment with his silence. I decided to leave their house before they could bring out the ‘we didn’t raise you this way’ speech. It was exactly the kind of response I had expected from them, they had no problem with gay men as long as it’s not their son. I had thought about not telling them at all, but between Frank’s big mouth and Bettina, I knew it’s better if I told them the news on my term. Remembering that party at my house two years ago when my mother had accused Kay of ruining everything, I decided Kay didn’t need to know about this.

 

I tightened my hold, “but no, Bettina doesn’t hate you. I think she was just frustrated. She thinks you broke up with Weber for me. That we are both heartless bastards. If anything, she probably hates me more.”

 

Kay was silent but I could feel his body tensed up, “is she going to make it difficult for you to see Lukas?”

 

It was a possibility, but the last thing I wanted to do was to make Kay worry about it too, “I don’t think so. Also, the law wouldn’t allow it,” I kissed the nape of his neck, “but I don’t think we will come to that. She is not a malicious person, she will get over it.” Maybe I was naive to think that Bettina had completely gotten over my betrayal. Turned out the civility between us was flimsy and easily broken.

 

Kay nodded. After a few minutes, I began to notice the slight relaxing of his shoulders, his breathing slow and even. I moved my hand down to caress his flat stomach, inhaling his scent, which has become a familiar one in my sleep. I flexed my leg to move closer to him, my front completely aligned with his back, suddenly my cock felt tight in my boxers.

 

Kay grabbed my hand, chuckled, “I thought you were tired.” He turned and rolled on top of me. I gently rubbed his face with my thumb. God, I missed him. Hadn’t stopped thinking about him the whole time I was away.

 

“Maybe just a quickie?” I quirked my mouth. Kay laughed and kissed me.

 

 

******

 

I was surprised to find Horst waiting for me just outside the training classroom in Ostbahnhof police station on Friday afternoon.

 

“I thought we are having dinner tomorrow night?” I gave him a half hug.

 

Horst shrugged, “I heard you are in the building today. I’ve finished my shift now, you have time for a beer?”

 

I followed Horst to a bar inside the train station next door. Horst and I didn’t really hang out on our own, so I didn’t think this was a social call. Horst got us two, thankfully not craft beers, we sat down at a table in the corner.

 

Horst took a sip, “well, I needed this.”

 

I smiled, “the airport incident really stressed you out.” Horst concurred. Shaking his head, “we were lucky it was only some half-cooked plan to get attention.”

 

I nodded, waiting for Horst to get to the main purpose of this meet up.

 

He studied me for a moment, “are you asking Kay to go back to Ludwigsburg?”

 

Startled, I sat up straight, “what? Did Kay say something to you?”

 

“Does Kay seem like someone who would say anything?” Horst retorted exasperatedly, “but I know he’s worried that you would ask him that, so are you?”

 

I’d admit it had crossed my mind - it would be the easiest, most selfish solution for me. To have Kay back in Ludwigsburg with me. “No, I am not,” I shook my head, “I don’t know what I’m going to do yet, but I know how important staying in Berlin is for him.”

 

Horst nodded in agreement, “it’s not just about me and Anna being here. No offense to the police force of your home town, but judging by what I’ve heard, I don’t trust them to have Kay’s back.”

 

I winced. Horst must have heard about how Kay was harassed and attacked by his own unit back home. Even without arsehole Limpinski, after Kay had come out, there’s awkwardness in the unit. Frank was not homophobic, but as team lead, he wouldn’t stick his neck out for Kay either. So Kay had been pretty much isolated in the team. Horst would probably have punched Limpinski to a bloody pulp personally.

 

“Then what is it to decide?” Horst asked incredulously, looking at me and waiting.

 

I couldn’t answer. I couldn’t imagine not being with Kay, not after I had a taste how sweet life could be with him in my life. But every time I thought about moving here permanently, I was paralyzed with fear and guilt.

 

“It’s about your son?” Horst prompted.

 

The minutes stretched. I picked on the beer bottle’s label, trying to decide how much I should tell Horst. “It’s bad enough that I only get to see him every two weeks now. How could I be a good father being 600km away?”

 

Horst stared at a point in the distant before he came back to me, “do you know how many people aren’t being a good father even when they live in the same house with their children? I know I am in no position to give you parental advice, but I have plenty of experience dealing with shit that life dishes out and making compromises,” he sighed, “you can’t have it all, Marc.”

 

“You know Kay never mentioned you or whatever happened in Ludwigsburg? Never. But I knew something bad forced him to run away, he was a mess when he first got here.” Horst glanced at me, “when I asked him about you, he said whatever feelings you have for him, it’s not enough for you give up your life back home. I think even though he forgives you, he is half expecting you to leave again.”

 

I stared at Horst, my heart hammering.

 

“You said no, but I think you want Kay to go back to Ludwigsburg with you. Or you are thinking of doing long distance, just kicking the can down the road?” Horst shook his head, “You will lose him. Eventually he will meet someone else and fall in love and that person would put him first. Do you get it?” He delivered the warning in the kindest voice.

 

I nodded, not trusting my voice to speak just yet. Deep down, I knew all these. I knew if I didn’t get this right, I would lose him. Forever this time. But the ugly desire to have it all kept rearing its head in my mind.

 

“I don’t want to wake up one day and resent Kay for keeping me from my son,” I raked through my hair, frustrated with myself, “I know it’s unfair, but I don’t trust myself to be rational.”

 

Horst seemed to brood over what I’ve just said, he had a sad smile on his face, “I’m afraid you already made your bed when you slept with Kay while your girlfriend’s pregnant. There is no happy ending for everyone. You have to deal with these decisions you’ve made. You could either see what’s still on your life

menu and make a decision you can live with, or you make everyone, including yourself, miserable.”

 

He finished the rest of his beer in one-go, then got up, “and make no mistake, I will end you if you hurt Kay again.”

 

******

 

I straightened up from the railing I was leaning against when I heard the lift opened.

 

Kay came out from the lift, his face lit up when he saw me waiting outside his door.

 

“Hey,” he kissed me on the lips, “I thought we are meeting at the bar tonight?”

 

I put my hand on the small of his back while he opened his door, “just want to see you sooner,” I murmured. Kay quirked his eyebrow.

 

Suddenly feeling nervous, I grabbed Kay’s wrist, “can we talk?”


	14. - Kay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc tells Kay about his plan  
> And he gets a call from Bettina

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kay’s POV.  
> This chapter contains, not explicit, but playful content.  
> Thank you for reading.

My smile slipped, I turned around to look at Marc, he looked like a teenager waiting for the results of his final exams, a ball of nerves.

 

He has been so highly strung since he got back from Ludwigsburg. He only told me the part about Bettina’s reaction of us being together, but I could guess other things didn’t go well either. I could just imagine how his parents would react.

 

I believed Marc when he said those reassuring words to me before the trip, and I believed he truly meant them too. But I had been wrong before. That long-ago night when he had broken down in my apartment because he was afraid and jealous, I had thought that was the turning point of our relationship, that he had finally realised we weren’t just having an affair, that he would soon be ready to face the truth. In fact, I couldn’t had been more wrong, it had been the beginning of the end for us.

 

The past few weeks has been some of the happiest days of my life, it has been so perfect I felt like I was tempting fate. I probably was.

 

I thought back on the day when I made the decision to transfer to his unit. I had that almost naive confidence that if I just take the next step, be closer to him, it would only a matter of time that Marc would act on his feelings for me. I knew without a doubt he wanted me when I finally kissed him in the woods. So why shouldn’t I take my chances? Sometimes I missed that version of myself, that fearlessness. Not afraid to get hurt.

 

I went to the fridge to get us some beers and handed him one. I leaned on the kitchen counter, waiting for him.

 

“Are you really worried that I will to ask you to go back to Ludwigsburg?” Marc asked in a low voice. He was looking at his hands, holding the untouched beer bottle.

 

I considered him for a moment, he looked exhausted, like he hadn’t slept well. Poor Marc, this was killing him.

 

Of course, I was worried that he would ask me to move back with him. But I was more worried that I would agree to it. A week ago, I actually checked if there were any openings in Bundespolizei’s Stuttgart branch. Though I couldn’t make myself to make any inquiries in the end.

 

So this is it. I thought.

 

I looked away, it took me a minute to quell the panic building in my chest. “I can’t go back there with you, Marc,” I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. I closed my eyes, “you know I don’t blame you for hiding our relationship, or not even acknowledging we were friends. Not anymore. I understand why you did what you did. But...” my voice shaking, “what if you change your mind again... cos I think you will...you’ve spent your entire life wanting that family life, how can you give that up?”

 

Marc looked startled and in two steps, wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer, “baby...” he whispered.

 

I held on to him like a lifeline. “And I can’t. I can’t go through that again,” my voice broke. I can’t run away again, I won’t survive it, I thought.

 

“Shh....” he soothed, brushing my hair, “but I’ve already given that up. You are what I want. And I am not making the same mistake again.” Then he said softly but firmly into my ears, “we are not going back to Ludwigsburg, I am staying here with you.”

 

With my head still on his shoulder, I slowly absorbed what he just said. The wish to believe and the fear of it being shattered warring in my mind. Finally, I lifted my head and gazed at him, “you mean in Berlin? Are you sure, Marc? You really want to up root your life and move here?” I had no idea why I was still arguing with him.

 

“I do,” he said solemnly, just two words, like he was swearing in a ceremony.

 

He wiped away the tears near the corners of my eyes that have been threatening to drop, “but it won’t happen right away,” he quickly added, “I still have to talk to Bettina about Lukas and sort out my job back home. I have to talk to Eiden about transferring here... I mean, I had an informal chat with the Berlin State Police here... and Horst has been putting a good word for me...” Marc noticed he’s rambling, he stopped and took a deep breath.

 

“I want to set things in motion before I tell you the plan, so you know they are not just empty words.” He looked me in the eye, “that’s why I was so nervous just now, I need you to trust me and be patient with me.”

 

His face slightly flushed, “I know I don’t have the best track record... and I can’t promise that I will never hurt you. No one can promise that. You could hurt me too.” Marc touched the side my face, “but you are the toughest person I know, I know we can get through anything together.”

 

I caught his hand on my face. Now I felt silly and embarrassed for jumping to the worst conclusion. I slowly breathed out, shuddering, exhaustion sprang up out of nowhere. I guess I have been more stressed out than I would acknowledge.

 

I tipped my head forward, asking for a kiss. Marc grinned and obliged right away. We sealed the promise.

 

Sometimes there’s no safety nets. To take a leaf from my old self, sometimes I just have to take a chance.

 

I let out a low huff of laughter when we finally pulled apart, “since when do you start calling me baby?”

 

******

 

After scolding both Marc and Horst for making all these secret manoeuvrings behind my back, I sat down with them to plan what’s needed to be done.

 

The State police transfer request has to be made by the policemen themselves and usually done in a job-swap way between states. Horst introduced Marc to the contact he had within the Berlin Police and Marc had a talk with them. He has then been put on the list to match with transfer request to Baden-Württemberg. They seemed happy to have him joining, so now we just had to wait.

 

“Usually it won’t take more than two months, but you need to get an agreement from your current unit as well. The Berlin Police wouldn’t want to inconvenient them too much,” Horst commented, he was with the Berlin Police before he joined the federal force.

 

We all knew it would be harder at the other end in Ludwigsburg, especially since they have handpicked Marc for the training, they didn’t want to lose him right after.

 

Marc reckoned as courtesy, he should tell Eiden first over the phone before he submits formal request, since he had been Marc’s mentor for many years and was responsible for Marc’s recent promotion.

 

“Eiden is pissed at me,” Marc announced after he got off the phone.

 

I grimaced, “that’s to be expected. What else did he say?”

 

“He said he can’t stop me from leaving but he wants me to stay until at least after the EU summit in Stuttgart in three months, that is what my training here is for. And then maybe another month to pass on my knowledge,” Marc looked at me and continued slowly, “and I agreed.”

 

I nodded. Marc still eyeing me carefully, “that means it will be another four months.”

 

I nodded again, more emphatically this time. Marc finally relaxed and smiled.

 

Horst looked back and forth between us like a tennis match, he chuckled and got up, “I’ll leave you two lovebirds to sort out the rest.”

 

I walked him to the door and hugged him goodbye. Not something I normally did. Horst pretended to peek over me at Marc and joked, “let me go, otherwise Marc is going to think we’re cheating on Anna.”

 

I kissed him on the cheek just to prove a point.

 

Horst rolled his eyes, “don’t forget your rematch with Sebastian tomorrow,” before he closed the door.

 

Marc came over and kissed me, all tongues and hands, “I thought he’ll never leave,” he quipped. He continued to kiss me, while walking me back towards the bedroom.

 

“What rematch was he talking about?” He asked between kisses.

 

“Kickboxing. Do you want to come see me box?” I started unzipping his jeans. If we hurried up, we could still make it before my shift at the airport began.

 

Marc pulled my T-shirt over and started kissing my shoulder blades, “mmmmm... I don’t know. To see you half naked and sweaty in public? It’s too dangerous.”

 

I laughed, “Marc Borgmann, you’ve got a one-track mind.”

 

Marc lifted a pointed eyebrow, he gave my cock a gentle squeeze through my running shorts, “I’ll show you how focused my mind can be.” I couldn’t help but let out a moan. He increased the pressure, pleased with himself for rendering me speechless. I attacked his mouth for revenge and was about to pull down his jeans when his mobile started ringing.

 

“Christ...” Marc held his jeans up, kissed me on the lips quickly, “I have to take it, in case it’s Lukas.”

 

He grabbed his mobile from the kitchen counter and swiped it to answer, “hello.”

 

He silently mouthed to me, “it’s Bettina.”

 

“Hey, Bettina. Everything’s okay?” Marc asked immediately, the natural born worrier.

 

I subconsciously straightened up my shorts and went to stand next to Marc.

 

Marc’s brows furrowed and then relaxed, “yes. I have days off from next Friday.” He was planning to drive back to Ludwigsburg again.

 

He listened to whatever Bettina was saying at the other end for a minute, just acknowledged with “uh-huh.”

 

“Oh... you are?” Marc glanced at me, he had a slightly stunned expression.

 

“Of course, you can. That would be great, actually.”

 

“Alright. You let me know when you have the details.”

 

He was about to clicked off, then changed his mind, “hey, Bettina?” Marc looked at me and squeezed my hand, he said to his mobile, “you know Kay will be here with me, right?”

 

Whatever Bettina’s answer was, Marc seemed more than satisfied with it. He was one of those people who nods when talking on the phone, so he’s now nodding.

 

“Alright. We will speak soon then.” He finally clicked off the mobile and slowly exhaled.

 

Grinning, he put both of his arms on my shoulders, “you’ll never guess what Bettina was telling me.” My eyes must be looking big and comical and Marc seemed to find it funny, “she and Dennis are coming to Berlin for a city break next weekend and they want us to babysit Lukas here, while they go sightseeing.”

 


	15. - Bettina in Berlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bettina and Dennis in Berlin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has Bettina’s POV first, and then Marc’s
> 
> I feel there’s a need for some Bettina pages as she was a big part in the original film. And despite my “Marc x Kay” fever, I’ve always been sympathetic towards her. 
> 
> Thank you for reading. Getting close to the end of the story, maybe a chapter or two left...

<<Bettina>>

 

I didn’t know if it was Marc or Kay Engel’s idea, but this Brachvogel was a charming family restaurant and yes, meeting in public place was probably a good idea for all of us. It had a lovely garden with seats by the canal, but it’s December, so we were sitting indoor.

 

It seemed almost surreal for me to be in Berlin, and I was about to have brunch with Marc and his boyfriend. Just the term Marc’s boyfriend, still sent funny feelings to my heart whenever I thought of it.

 

It was all Dennis’s fault. He had a meeting in Berlin for his company’s new project next Monday and suggested we took advantage and spend a weekend holiday together. Even now I was wondering why I had agreed.

 

After what happened at Marc’s house, I had a long talk with Dennis. I hadn’t said a mean word to Marc since we separated, I had made a conscious effort to be civil to my child’s father. And Marc has been a good father and Lukas adored his dad. I had thought my anger was behind me, so my outburst bothered me as much as it hurt Marc.

 

I had told Dennis before the reason Marc and I broke up was because he had an affair with a man, he wasn’t fazed by it at all. He asked if I would have felt better if Marc was with a new person, man or woman. Maybe. I thought. But I would never know, because Marc never got over Kay. He was sad and anxious when we separated, but he was heartbroken when Kay left. Maybe part of me still wanted to see him suffer, that it would somehow be unfair to me if the two of them had a happy ending. That I was just this poor supporting act in their great love story.

 

I was bitter and that made me angry. I should be better than this. I am better than this.

 

“I am sorry you were hurt,” Dennis said, “for what it’s worth, my Oma used to say a break-up is either you are leaving someone you don’t love or someone who doesn’t love you is leaving. There’s silver lining in it whichever side you are on.” It wasn’t some patronising platitude he spouted out to appease me. He held me tight, “and of course the selfish part of me have Marc to thank for, otherwise, I wouldn’t have the chance to be with you, you are the best thing that has happened to me.” I could not put in words how much Dennis has changed my life the past five months, I felt like I was back to my old self, I was cherished and loved.

 

“Marc will continue to be in Lukas’s life, wouldn’t you want know a bit more about the person he is spending his life with? Like you had wanted me to meet him, so he’d know I can be trusted to be around his son. Things always seem worse in our imagination. Take away what he and Marc had done wrong, is he a good person?”

 

I remembered meeting Kay that first time at the bowling alley, thinking he looked like someone who breaks girls’ hearts for breakfast. I hadn’t noticed how cagey Marc seemed every time Kay’s name was brought up, I even naively thought he didn’t like Kay because he’s envious of him. Kay... I had thought he was quiet and polite. I shook my head, “I don’t know. I’ve only met him twice. Frank said he’s a good cop and that... it wasn’t easy for him in the unit after he came out.” I did feel sorry for him when I heard that. No matter what he had done, he shouldn’t have been harassed for being gay.

 

Of course, after I knew about their affair, I shuddered every time I thought of that time I invited him to our house for Lukas’s party. What was he playing at, agreeing to come? No, I couldn’t be objective about Kay, my judgment was all clouded.

 

But Dennis had a point about facing the truth rather than letting my imagination and resentment run wild. So here we are in Berlin.

 

I was brought back to present by Lukas exclaiming, “look, da da.” I looked up to the sight of Marc navigating between tables, Kay just a step behind him.

 

Marc kissed the top of Lukas’s head first thing, then shook Dennis’s hand, “good morning,” he said to us both. I tipped my head to acknowledge him. Marc cleared his throat and briefly touched Kay’s shoulder, “Bettina, you’ve met Kay before. Dennis, this is Kay.”

 

I glanced over to Kay, he had a boyish smile on his face, looking almost shy. “Morning, Bettina,” Kay said. And I just stared at him. If he minded, he didn’t let it show, he just went on to shake Dennis’s hand, “nice to meet you.”

 

Thankfully, fussing over Lukas eating was a full-time job, I didn’t have time to feel awkward. I was half listening to Dennis talking about the new building in Berlin he’s involved in that brought us here, Kay seemed to know Berlin well and soon they were discussing the pros and cons of gentrification of certain areas here.

 

“Bettina, let me feed him. Come on, you should eat something yourself,” Marc offered. I hesitated just a beat, then we all got up to move Lukas’s high chair over to their side of the table.

 

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Kay bent down to rummage in his backpack and took out a small stuffed animal. “This is for you,” he gave it to Lukas.

 

The little traitor squealed with delight, “Mama, die Maus!” He grabbed and held it to his chest right away. Waving it in front of me.

 

Kay grinned, his blue eyes twinkled, “a little bribery never hurts.” Marc just beamed and gazed at him affectionately. They tried not to be too obvious, not even sitting close together, but it’s plain as day they were in love.

 

I had never seen Marc this relaxed. Of course, we had some very happy moments together before, but Marc had always been an intense person, serious and self-conscious, never quite comfortable in his own skin. This sunlit unguarded happiness, completely at ease with himself, this version of Marc, it was almost a revelation.

 

I had also never seen Marc so smitten with anyone else, let alone a man. Knowing he loved Kay was not the same as seeing it up close. I felt a jolt pass through me at the sight of it. I mentally braced for new pain, fresh resentment, but instead I felt...nothing. Just... a strange feeling. Like I was seeing Marc for the first time.

 

After our break-up, I had asked myself countless times, how could I have not noticed that Marc was attracted to men? So easy for women to fall into this rabbit hole and start questioning themselves, all the torturous “is it me?” But maybe I was seeing the real Marc for the first time because Marc too, had only found his real self when he met Kay.

 

I felt a hand resting on my shoulder. “You okay?” Dennis asked softly, mildly concerned. I touched his hand on my shoulder and smiled.

 

When we were outside the restaurant, Marc asked if he could speak to me for a minute. I pulled my scarf tighter and we walked towards the canal.

 

Marc cleared his throat and looked away and then back to me, a tell-tale sign of him when he’s about to broach a difficult subject. “I am moving here,” he stopped to sneak a look at me, when I didn’t react, he continued, “not right away, but soon. Maybe in four or five months.”

 

A few seconds passed. “And your job?” I finally asked.

 

“I am transferring to the Berlin State police force. Eiden wants me to do four months handover before I go.” He slowed down, “obviously, that would mean I can’t see Lukas every other weekend, but maybe we can have a different arrangement, like once a month, but more days?” He asked hopefully.

 

It wasn’t a total surprise to me, especially after this morning. Marc’s eyes were tracking Kay’s every movement without realising it himself, I didn’t think the two of them could stand being apart in different cities.

 

I was relieved that I would be spared the awkwardness of seeing them together in Ludwigsburg, but yes, we would have to accommodate each other better in term of looking after Lukas. Even Dennis, understanding and generous as he was, certainly would prefer some distance between Marc and us.

 

I thought I should lay down my terms first thing, “I don’t want Lukas to take a long drive every time, so you’d have to visit him in Ludwigsburg. Maybe in the summer you can take him here for a longer stay, we can arrange that.”

 

Marc bent down slightly, hands on his hips and slowly exhaled. When he straightened back up again, he was smiling with such joy like the first day Lukas was born. “Sorry. I was just so nervous. Thank you. That’s... that’s perfect,” he finally managed to get the words out.

 

We looked at each other for a moment. It was like we were saying goodbye again. But this time, I hoped we were walking away from each other for the better.

 

 

<<Marc>>

 

It was almost surreal to see Bettina thanking Kay after he gave them a few restaurant recommendations. She parted with one last warning to me and Kay, “don’t smoke in front of him.” Then left Lukas with us for the day, she and Dennis would do some tourist things and we would bring Lukas back to their hotel after dinner.

 

When they were finally out of sight, Kay let out a huge exhalation, “I survived.” His cheeks flushed with warmth.

 

“In flying colours,” I teased. I wanted to kiss him so much in that moment, but with Lukas holding my hand, maybe it wasn’t such a good idea.

 

I looked at the two most important persons in my life here with me now. The decision that I had been grappling with for the past two months, seemed deceptively easy once I’ve made up my mind.

 

If Horst’s advice slash warning was a wick, then finding Jens Weber’s texts on Kay’s mobile two days later was the fire that finally lit up my decision.

 

That evening, it was only by chance that Kay asked me to answer his phone while he’s in the shower. “It’s probably Horst telling us to hurry up, tell him we are downstairs!” he shouted over the sound of water. And sure it was Horst. After relaying the message, I clicked off just as a new text message came in. I stared at the text and all I could see was Weber’s name on the top of the message. Without even thinking, I swiped to open the text message.

 

_< Kay, can we talk?>_

 

That was all. Then I looked at the thread and found a series of short messages from Weber, roughly one every couple of days. All similar ones, asking Kay to meet for a drink, to talk.

 

But they were all unanswered. One-way traffic from Weber. At that point, the impropriety of invading Kay’s privacy was very far from my mind, I scrolled down and found the last text from Kay almost three weeks ago, a short _< I don’t_ _think that is a good idea >_, in answer to Weber asking to meet him for a drink.

 

Bloody Weber.

 

My heart started hammering. It wasn’t jealousy, Kay obviously wasn’t even giving Weber any hope, I even understood why Kay hadn’t mentioned any of this to me. No, I wasn’t worried about Jens Weber, I was thinking of all the Webers that would come along later, what Horst had said, about eventually Kay would meet someone, someone Kay would fall in love with, the person who would put Kay first.

 

That night, I watched Kay falling asleep in bed, all long limbs, slow breaths and warm skin. I asked myself, what exactly was waiting for me in Ludwigsburg? A meagre weekend with my son every two weeks, parents who just wanted me to be like them, friends who’s busy with their own lives... and here in Berlin, I have Kay, who despite everything that had happened, was willing to give me another chance.

 

Suddenly I couldn’t wait to start my life with him in Berlin.

 

“Dada. Kai says Panda.” Lukas’s voice shook me out of my reverie.

 

We decided to take Lukas to the zoo in Tiergarten, about the most touristic thing Kay and I have ever done in Berlin. With Lukas in tow, it’s also a very family thing to do.

 

I glanced at Kay, who was helping Lukas to put the straw into his juice box, his little bribery trick worked like charm, Lukas was already pulling his coat tail and calling him “Kai”. I thought of Kay’s sleek one-bedroom apartment with stainless steel appliances, light colour sofa and kitchen cabinets free of child-proof doors and handles. And how he has always loved his independence.

 

I wrapped my arm around his shoulder. “You ok? This is not too domesticated for you?”

 

“Why? You are going to cook tonight?” Kay joked.

 

“Hey, I’ve made plenty of breakfast for you,” I protested.

 

Kay chuckled. Then sobered up, he peeked at me under his lashes, “I can do domesticity if it’s with you.”

 

I just kissed the side of his head, feeling too happy to speak.

  


 This is the “Die Maus” toy Kay gave to Lukas.


	16. - Kay in Ludwigsburg part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas in Ludwigsburg - part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kay’s POV
> 
> This chapter takes longer than I thought, so I decided to split it into two parts.  
> Contains some explicit content. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading!

In the end, Marc couldn’t even finish the three months training in Berlin, he was recalled back to his unit in Ludwigsburg a week earlier than schedule after an emergency incident in the area.

 

The sudden departure caught us by surprise, but Marc seemed to be in a permanent optimistic mood lately, he could only see the upside. “The sooner I go back, the sooner I could finish the handover and move here.”

 

He went back to Ludwigsburg just two weeks before Christmas.

 

I had considered taking on the Christmas work shifts, like some singletons in the unit had done. I didn’t mind working on holidays, since moving to Berlin, Christmas for my mother and I usually only meant a phone call and presents in the post. She had her own family, one I hadn’t been a part of since I was 16. But Horst and Anna insisted I spend Christmas Eve with them and Horst’s parents in Berlin. I was about to say yes, when Marc called and suggested I come to Ludwigsburg for Christmas.

 

“Are you sure?” I asked skeptically. I haven’t been back in that town since I left more than two years ago. There were times I had thought I never wanted to set foot in it again.

 

“Of course. I want to spend Christmas with you.”

 

Our first Christmas together. I absently twisted the platinum ring on my finger. “What about your parents?”

 

“We will have lunch with them and Lukas on Christmas Eve, Bettina will have Lukas back for the evening.”

 

“And they are ok with me coming?”

 

Marc paused just a beat. “Yes.”

 

I sighed, “you are a terrible liar, Marc.”

 

“I don’t care. They have to get used to it.” He sounded both defiant and frustrated.

 

I recalled Marc’s mother’s face when I showed up at that party, hell would freeze over before she would get used to it.

 

“Come on, either way they will know we are together. I could really use some emotional support.” Apparently, Marc thought he could sweet talk me into it.

 

What the hell, I thought. I was always the one insisting on us being open and honest, if Marc has found the courage to face his parents, I should at least be there for him. “Alright. Maybe I can stop by Stuttgart to see my mum too. But I am leaving if your mum starts crying.” I said. Not entirely sure if I was joking.

 

“I will leave with you if they give you any grief.” Marc said.

 

I thought back on that time Marc had asked me to leave his house instead, how far we’ve come from that.

 

******

 

I slowly guided my Jeep to the guest parking spot outside Marc’s house just after six in the evening. I couldn’t see much in the dark, but it looked like a small but tidy mid-century style house.

 

When they separated, Marc bought out Bettina’s share of the house they had bought together. He had to downsize to a smaller house afterwards. It was further complicated by the fact that his parents had helped them financially to buy the original house. So his parents felt like they’d been dealt a double blow. I could understand why Marc wanted to repay them the money as soon as possible. At least this house was not right next to his parents’ like the last one.

 

All these practical issues we still had to sort out. Sometimes I wished we could just hide in my apartment and let the world sort itself out. But I chose Marc and Marc came with all these other things... it was worth it if I could wake up next to him every morning.

 

I had never had a relationship with anyone long enough to move in together; had never thought of buying my own apartment. Why tied myself down to one place when I didn’t even know how long I would stay? Marc... on the other hand, liked stability, liked to put down his root.

 

I twisted my ring again, almost a force of habit now.

 

I still couldn’t believe it. Two days before he had to return to Ludwigsburg, Marc had gone and bought me a ring. The same Marc, who had once punched me when I told him to face the fact that he’s gay.

 

I stared at the ring in his palm when he showed it to me. He hastily said, “I know you are not into this sort of thing, but... I want you to wear something of mine.” His face was flushed all the way down to his neck.

 

“You want me to wear your ring.” I said slowly, still staring at the ring like it’s a bomb It’s a simple platinum band with about 10mm width.

 

He nodded, his eyes never left my face.

 

I picked up the ring and tried it on my left ring finger. The ring glinted under the bedside table lamp, it fitted perfectly.

 

Marc smiled, “do you like it?”

 

I traced the smooth surface of the ring. This looked serious and scary, but I also had that familiar bloom of happy warmth in my chest that I always got whenever Marc said something sweet these days.

 

I cradled his face, “Marc,” I whispered as I brought my mouth forward and we kissed. I could feel his smile at the corner of my mouth.

 

This was totally unlike Marc, which should really bother me. I couldn’t help thinking there’s reason behind it... I raised my eyebrows, “you want people to know I’m not available, is that it?”

 

He touched the back of his neck, something he did when he’s feeling abashed, “If people see it that way, that’s good too,” he admitted.

 

“You have little faith in me, Borgmann.”

 

“It’s not you I don’t trust. It’s all the Webers.”

 

“Huh?” I was puzzled.

 

Marc paused. Then he said sullenly, “I know about those texts that Weber is still sending you.”

 

They were never secrets, I wasn’t hiding them from Marc. I didn’t tell him because I knew he’d worry. Considering I was the one who had gone after him first and told him I love him even before he’d admit being gay, I should be the one feeling insecure. But Marc seemed to think every guy who made a pass at me was a threat. It would have been funny if it didn’t mean - I suspected - that he might be feeling intimidated by me being... relatively more experienced in terms of gay relationships. At least that’s something we could work on together.

 

First, we had to get through this Christmas.

 

I was getting out of the car and taking my bag from the trunk, when the front door opened and Frank came out. I stopped on my track.

 

“Hi, Kay.”

 

“Hi, Frank.” I walked over to him, was about to shake his hand when he gave me a half hug.

 

“Good to see you again,” Frank said. He looked genuinely happy to see me.

 

“Same here.” I smiled, feeling slightly awkward.

 

When I left the Ludwigsburg police, apart from Limpinski, I did not name anyone else. But I had told Eiden’s boss that I didn’t get any support from my unit. They had been quick to accommodate me once I told them I wanted to quit and could be persuaded not to escalate the complaint.

 

Frank was actually one of the few in the unit who didn’t treat me differently after I was forced to come out, but he also did not do anything to stop the harassment. The saddest thing was, before I moved to Berlin, met Horst and the team there, I used to think what Frank did was to be expected, even understandable.

 

“Hey, you are early.” I turned and saw Marc coming towards us. He leaned forward but stopped just in time, so instead of kissing me, he clumsily squeezed my shoulder.

 

I shrugged, “I made good time.”

 

“Right. I have to go.” Frank rubbed his hands, “Kay, let’s all get a drink before you leave, ok?”

 

I nodded, “of course.”

 

Marc ushered me to his house. It was sparsely furnished with some 60s/70s furniture, a burn orange coloured sofa took up most of the living room, an antique teak sideboard messily filled with books and documents and Marc using its top surface as a mini bar.

 

“Didn’t know you are into mid-century design.” I looked around and finding more orange and yellow coloured furnishing objects.

 

“They came with the house when I bought it, just old used things. Bettina was the one into decorating before. But it saved me the time to find furniture.”

 

“I liked it. It’s... retro.”

 

“Oh yeah?” Marc wrapped his arms around me and pulling me back against him, his head on my shoulder, “then you should really check out the bedroom.”

 

I laughed and let him lead me to the bedroom.

 

There’s no mid-century furniture in the bedroom, in fact it’s a complete mismatch with the rest of the house. But it had a very comfy looking bed. Marc started kissing my neck and leaving a wet trail all way up to my jawline, my ear. I tilted my head back to give him more access, my hand reaching back to touch the back of his head.

 

“I missed you, two weeks is too fucking long,” Marc murmured.

 

I turned in his arms and began to kiss him, hard. He returned with the same intensity and hunger. “And you are overdressed.” I muttered. I pulled his jumper over, as Marc worked on his jeans’ buttons. He walked me back to the edge of the bed, as I shed my clothes.

 

I popped myself up with my elbows on the bed as Marc pulled off my jeans. He looked overtired but happy, I knew he’s been very busy at work since he got back. Eiden wasn’t letting him off easy.

 

When we were both finally naked like the day we were born, I patted the side of the bed next to me. “Come on, lie down here.” He smirked but obliged. I crawled on top of him and straddled him just above his thighs, he gave a suppressed moan when I rubbed both of our cocks together. His hands reaching out to grab my hips, kneading my butt cheeks. I gave both of our cocks a light squeeze.

 

“Christ.” Marc closed his eyes for a moment, slowly breathed out. I bent down to kiss him and whispered, “do you have any lube?”

 

Marc blindly reached for the bedside drawer and took out a jar of Vaseline. I prepped myself quickly while he arched up to pepper kisses on my shoulders. I rose up a little, took hold of his cock and slowly began to sit down on it. Marc fell back onto the bed with a pleasure moan, his hands holding my hips, supporting me. I told myself to go slowly, but Marc’s body was so warm, so welcoming, I wanted him to be inside of me so badly. I groaned deeply when I finally bottomed out.

 

I began to move above him in slow, sensual strokes first, taking our time. Marc had a blissed-out look on his face and made pleasurable noises as I leisurely moved up and down, touching his chest, stomach, all over. But it didn’t take long for the sensation to take over and we both picked up speed. I tilted my hip to change angle, that drew a whimper from Marc and suddenly his body was meeting mine in a frantic rhythm.

 

“Argh... oh god, Kay...” Marc’s fingers pressed hard on my thighs. He’s going leave bruises on me.

 

I gave a shout as that hot tingle began in my groin, my chest fluttering. I gave my cock a few strokes, feeling my balls drew tight, my entire body clenched tight. I laced my hand with Marc’s as I began to come in pulses. I fell forward and smothered a yell against his shoulder. A few huffing, sweating seconds later I felt Marc shoot deep inside me.

 

“Jesus, I don’t know how I’m going to go without this for four months...” Marc exhaled as we gently disentangled. I chuckled, resting my head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around me.

 

I could hear snow began to fall outside, it was lucky that I had arrived early and avoided that, I thought fleetingly. Marc lay languorous beneath me, fingers idly caressing my back. We both just enjoying the warmth and quiet.

 

“Did you date anyone after Bettina?” I broke the silence.

 

The softness faded out of Marc’s eyes. “Yeah,” he sighed, “I went on a few dates with a woman about a year ago. When I couldn’t find you and I... I thought I should try to move on.” He shook his head, “it was a mistake. It would have been a repeat like Bettina.”

 

I nodded. I could understand Marc wanting to give that perfect family life another try. “Any man?” I asked cautiously, I didn’t know how I’d feel about his answer, whatever it might be.

 

“A couple of hand jobs, blow jobs in clubs...” he looked down, hiding his eyes, “I went back to the same club we went together after you left... tried to find some guy, so I can forget you. I couldn’t go through with it in the end.” He looked back up at me, “that’s the moment I finally admitted to myself that what we had was more than sex.”

 

My eyes roamed all over his face. “It was never just about sex for me,” I told him.

 

He brushed my lips with his finger. “I don’t know why you didn’t just tell me to fuck off, the way I treated you, when you could have any guy you want.”

 

“Is that what you think?” I frowned.

 

“I don’t just think. I can see it every time we are in a gay bar. Men are all over you. Sometimes I wonder why I torture myself to go with you.”

 

That’s not true. Ok, it’s true I got a lot of propositions from men. But Marc could be so oblivious sometimes. Even now, half of the time, he wouldn’t even notice if someone was checking him out or flirting with him. I was just more... attuned to this sort of attention.

 

“Don’t you think I should be the one to worry? People who just came out, they usually want to sleep around, go on a sex binge.”

 

Marc grinned, somehow he seemed to enjoy the hint of jealousy in my voice. “Oh yeah? I only remember jerking off, thinking of you countless times.”

 

He rolled on top of me, his full body pressing me deep into the bed, “and I am so happy now I can have the real thing with me.”

 

 


	17. - Kay in Ludwigsburg part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kay and Marc spend Christmas in Ludwigsburg.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kay’s POV
> 
> This is sort of the final chapter of the story, there will be an epilogue to follow. 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and commenting. I hope we will get the real Free Fall 2 movie one day.

Poppenweiler in Ludwigsburg, population 4600. Seemed like all its inhabitants were at this market buying Christmas tree and last-minute gifts today.

 

Marc was with his parents this morning, following their tradition of buying a Christmas tree together on Christmas Eve. With four hours to go before our Christmas lunch, it’s only fair to let them have this tradition without me ruining it for them too, so I decided to go looking for gifts myself.

 

My thoughts broke off as someone knocked on the glass window of the bookshop I was shopping at, I looked up and saw Britt waving at me from outside.

 

“I know it...” I muttered to myself, at least Marc was not here yet. I put on a smile when she walked inside.

 

“Oh my gosh... Kay?” Her eyes grew impossibly big.

 

“Hi Britt. Merry Christmas.”

 

“Merry Christmas! When did you come back?” She asked as I kissed her on the cheek.

 

I shrugged, “just for Christmas.”

 

She looked great. Long brown hair under a wool beanie, long legs, tanned and athletic. I’ve always found her pretty, in an aesthetic way, because unlike Marc, women did nothing for me. And she had the guts to go for what she wanted, I admired her for that. She never gave me a chance to say no when I first joined the unit and unwisely, I went along, thinking it would be a harmless cover while I waited for Marc to make up his mind. I had no idea what she thought when I cooled it off right after Marc and I got together. I never explained and she never asked, we sort of let people thought what they liked, I suspected she didn’t mind as it worked to keep Limpinski’s creepy hands off her. And then, that raid at the gay bar happened and... I always felt like I owed her an apology.

 

“So you are visiting? You know we all wondered where you’ve gone to.” She narrowed her eyes, like I had hurt her feelings for not saying goodbye.

 

“I joined the Bundespolizei in Berlin.” I decided to keep it simple and to the fact.  I didn’t know if Marc would like everyone from his old unit to know about us.

 

She nodded with a mischievous smile on her face, like she knew I wasn’t telling her something but she knew what it was anyway. I hope she hadn’t seen that picture on Das Bild like everyone seemed to have.

 

“Berlin, huh? Big city cop. I hope you didn’t leave because of us, I mean, the unit... I know what Gregor did...” she trailed off.

 

Which time did she mean? I wondered.

 

I shook my head, “nah, I wanted to leave anyway. And I should apologise. It wasn’t cool not telling you the truth.” She knew right away what truth I meant.

 

She laughed, waved it away. “Oh don’t worry, even if I did make a fool of myself, you were still way better than most straight men I dated. And Gregor was an arsehole. You know he got kicked out of the unit soon after?”

 

“I heard.” I nodded.

 

Britt crossed her arms on her chest, “good riddance, he’s a homophobic creep.”

 

I had no objection to that description. Britt was alright. Under different circumstances, we could have been good friends. We smiled at each other for a moment, then I raised the few books I was holding, “well, I should go pay for these. It was nice seeing you.”

 

As I began to turn, she suddenly grabbed my wrist, “Oh wait, you got married?” Always trust a woman to notice a man’s ring. “To the politician?”

 

“What? No...” was there anyone who hadn’t seen that picture? I couldn’t believe nearly five months on, I was still haunted by it. “It’s not... not that kind of ring.” I faltered. She grinned, seemed to find my answer adorable and didn’t believe a word of it.

 

Right on cue, the bell above the shop door rang and in came Marc. He spotted me first but his smile froze when he saw Britt standing next to me. He slowly walked towards us, first glanced at me, silently asking for... what? I didn’t know. We never talked about this. Frank, Bettina, his parents, yes, I knew where we stood now. But other people... I thought I should let Marc decide.

 

I’ve always known things would be different once we left the bubble we had been living in Berlin. Here Marc had history, different responsibilities, friends and colleagues who had no idea what I was to him. We couldn’t go around town without a care like we had in Berlin.

 

“Britt, hi. Merry Christmas.” Marc greeted. He darted a glance at me. I tried to keep my expression as bland as possible.

 

Britt looked between us and said slowly, “Merry Christmas to you too, Marc...”

 

At that moment I wished Frank was here, he would know how to break the news for us. I looked at Marc, trying to communicate to him that: ‘it’s ok, you don’t need to prove anything to me anymore. I don’t mind if we don’t tell Britt.’

 

Then suddenly, like he just snapped out of a trance, “You’ve got everything?” His hand rested lightly on the back of my shoulder, dangerously close to my neck, “We should go, we have to pick up Lukas.”

 

I hesitated for just a beat. “Just need to pay for these,” gesturing to the books in my hands. Then I escaped to the cashier.

 

While paying for the books - one gardening book for his mother, one about fishing for his father and a children’s book with exactly one word per page - I peeked over rows of low book shelves and saw Britt talking to Marc, her expression animated. Marc rubbing the back of his neck, one of his nervous tics. But eventually he nodded and gave a small smile.

 

I got back to them just as Britt announced, “Well, I guess Frank will have a good story to tell for once.” She winked at me.

 

“Right,” I said dumbly, because nothing else came to me. I felt both silly and relieved. Equally I wished everyone’s reaction would be like hers. Marc seemed to have finally got over the shock, he briefly grazed my elbow, “ready?”

 

When we got into the car, I said quietly, “You don’t have to prove anything to me.” Marc stopped pulling his seatbelt, he grinned, “I know. But I don’t want to lie to my friends anymore.”

 

******

 

The honest truth was, I would happily never meet Marc’s parents again. I couldn’t care less what they thought about me. I was so done dealing with bigotry and homophobia. But... they were Marc’s parents and no matter what he said, I knew he still loved them. The person who can hurt you the most are the ones you love. This wasn’t about my feelings, this was for Marc.

 

From the exterior, senior Borgmann’s residence looked almost identical to Marc’s old house. Though I’ve only been there once, it’s probably forever etched in my mind. This one was a bit bigger and it’s two houses down. Must be hard for them to have this daily reminder that their dream house for their son and his family was now occupied by other people.

 

Marc’s father was the one who opened the door for us. Luckily, with Lukas in tow, there was a buffer for me. Wolfgang Borgmann scooped up his grandson, he merely tipped his head without looking at me directly when Marc said, “Dad, you remember Kay.”

 

I said, “Thank you for having me,” just as his dad turned to walk back in. Marc grimaced. I shrugged. No punches were thrown, so far so good.

 

I followed Marc into the living room, table was all set with food already on it. Marc told me his parents would go to the midnight mass, so we were having carp for main dish today. No one in my family was religious, so we used to have stuffed roast duck on Christmas Eve.

 

The house was filled with Christmas ornaments and wooden candle arch by the window. I saw that they have already finished decorating the tree they bought this morning. I could smell gingerbread cookies, cloves and other sweet scents, the burning candles were properly out of reach for Lukas. It’s Christmassy and cosy.

 

I crouched down to check out the photo frames on a long sideboard, there’s one photo of Marc in his preteen years, wearing a pair of red Speedo on the beach with some other kids, maybe his cousins. He had his hands on his hips, trying to act like the leader of the pack. I was sniggering at it when Marc gave me a mug of Glühwein.

 

“Oh god, I forgot they still have this photo up.” Marc groaned.

 

“Red Speedo? You sure you didn’t know you were gay?” I whispered, waggling my eyebrows.

 

Marc laughed and tried to put me in a headlock, I nearly spilled the mulled wine, “Hey...” I protested.

 

“Marc!” His mother’s voice boomed, she was suddenly behind us. Like two naughty kids, we straightened ourselves up and went over to the dining table.

 

The meal went on relatively easy, his parents spent half of the time fussed and cooed over Lukas. The other half giving Marc updates about other relatives, who moved to where, who got married/divorced/new-born. Wolfgang Borgmann had three brothers, so Marc had a lot of cousins. They made no attempt to include me in the conversation, but Marc would glance and smile at me every so often, which was all I cared about. I chewed slowly and quietly listened to all these lives that didn’t concern me at all until 12 weeks ago.

 

In the past, what I had known about Marc was so limited, there had been so many no-go subjects, our relationship was built inside a tiny box, with just the two of us in it. There were so much we still didn’t know about each other. But we knew the important ones, we knew we wanted to spend our lives together.

 

I was still in this introspective mood, when I felt Marc covered my hand on the table and told his parents that he’s moving to Berlin in a few months.

 

I wouldn’t say you could hear a pin drop, but for about 30 seconds, it was dead silence. They just stared at Marc like he had lost his mind. Marc decided to continue, “I am transferring to the Berlin Police.”

 

“But they’ve just promoted you here!” His dad cried.

 

At least the job was something Marc could confidently talk about. “I will still be squad lead in Berlin, they will recognize my new rank.”

 

That seemed to pacify his dad a little, but he still shook his head, “I don’t know how you can do this to Captain Eiden, he gave you so many opportunities.”

 

Marc began to lose his patience, “Dad, Eiden is an employee too, it’s not HIS police force.” He went on to explain to his dad that he’s doing a long transition period for Eiden.

 

During this whole discussion, Marc’s mother didn’t utter a word, she sipped her wine a couple of times, seemingly not interested in what Marc and her husband were talking about. I could tell she was on the verge of tears.

 

Eventually she rested her gaze on me. “Why can’t you just leave him alone?” She said vehemently.

 

It was on the tip of my tongue to retort, “I’ve left him alone for two long years.” But I held my tongue and said nothing.

 

Marc growled, “Mama! We’ve talked about this. You can’t blame this on Kay.”

 

Too late. Inge Borgmann had already cast me in this role long before, “it’s his fault. He broke up your family and now he’s taking...”

 

She stopped abruptly as I scraped my chair back and got up.

 

“Kay!” Marc grabbed my wrist, his eyes meeting mine anxiously.

 

Upon hearing my name, Lukas held up the panda souvenir cup we bought him at the Berlin zoo to me, “Kai! Look! I have panda!”. I took the cup from him and pretended to look at it for the first time, “Wow, that’s a REALLY big panda. Bigger than you.” He giggled and seemed to be happy with my assessment.

 

Everyone fell silent again.

 

I squeezed Marc’s hand, “It’s ok, I’m just going outside for a cigarette.” I reassured him with a smile.

 

It was cold outside and I just remembered the lighter was in my coat

 

pocket. Holding the unlit cigarette, I was debating with myself if I should sneak back in to get the lighter or just stand here to wait it out.

 

“Want a light?”

 

I looked up and was taken aback to see Marc’s dad, he’s handing me a Pic lighter. I lit up my cigarette and passed it back to him, “Thank you.” He looked me in the eyes for the first time today, then his gaze dropped to ring on my finger and stayed there, but he said nothing.

 

I could tell Marc mostly took from his father’s side, especially the deep-set blue eyes they shared. We stood on the porch silently together as I smoked, our eyes set forward to the melting snow in the garden.

 

Marc once told me his parents were good at sweeping things under the rug, that the happy family was just a mirage. But it takes effort to maintain a mirage, not everyone can do it, my parents couldn’t. For Marc to step out of line from their carefully maintained family mode, it would take his parents a long time to accept it, if ever.

 

As we were going back inside, Marc’s dad turned to me and said gravely, “I haven’t seen Marc this happy in years.” He didn’t wait for my reply and went inside.

 

*****

 

In typical Borgmann style, as Marc said, we left his parents’ house in strained politeness, without further heated exchange. Truce for now. I left my gifts for them under the Christmas tree, they could do whatever they want with them.

 

“You weren’t bringing me along to spite them, right?” I asked. Marc was fuming but knowing his parents, it wasn’t exactly a surprise to him. There’s also a subtle rebellion when he defended me.

 

“No!” He said fiercely, holding both sides of my shoulders, “I want you here because you are not a secret. They are my parents, they should meet the person I love.”

 

I told Marc what his dad said to me on the porch, he seemed lost and yet hopeful about it. “I know how hard it is to break away from what’s familiar and safe, they... had this vision of how my life should be, even I had thought that was what I wanted.” He shook his head and began to start the car.

 

I had no idea when his parents would come around, if ever. I hope for Marc’s sake that they would. I touched his hand on the gear shift knob, “we have a lot of time ahead to convince them.” Marc finally smiled, he leaned over to kiss me, then put the car in gear.

 

After dropping Lukas off to Bettina, it’s still only early evening. We took a drive around and somehow ended up in my old neighbourhood. We got out and walked around the area, shops already closed for Christmas, everyone was indoor getting ready to celebrate Christmas Eve.

 

Marc held my hand not because he thought no one was around, but it’s something we do without thinking these days.

 

The brutalist high rise building where I used to live looked unchanged, the place where my best and worst memories co-existed. I remembered the evening skyline from that balcony when I first realised I was in love with Marc; the same skyline that accompanied me when he broke my heart for the last time.

 

Marc recently told me that he had broken down the door to get into my apartment, not knowing I had already moved out. I tried to imagine his shock and hurt when the he found it empty but found no satisfaction for inflicting the pain. Marc never meant to hurt me just as I never sought to punish him.

 

It was time to bury the hurt.

 

I turned to face Marc and tug him forward for a kiss. “Remember that time I asked you if you ever want to just take off, go somewhere and start over?” I asked him.

 

In the deepening twilight, Marc was all soft shadows and warmth. He touched my forehead with his. “Of course I remember... after you left, I had dreams about it, or maybe nightmares are more like it, cos you were always leaving me in them,” he said. His fingers lightly brushing my face, eyes searching.

 

“I’m glad you came to Berlin,” I leaned into his touch, letting my stubble grazed against his fingers the way I knew he liked. “I’m glad you came to find me.”

 


	18. - Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short scene takes place 18 months after the last chapter. Marc and Kay are back in Ludwigsburg.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is written in 3rd person from Marc’s POV. It’s just a glimpse of their life as I imagine it would be. 
> 
> I love these two characters too much to let go, but this particular story has come to its end. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I had writing it.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and commenting.

**18 months later**

 

 

_“Thank you! I look forward to continuing to serve everyone who voted for me, as well as those didn’t vote for me in the next four years. Thank you.”_

 

A close-up of Jens Weber’s elated face filled the TV screen, he’s celebrating election victory with his campaign staff on stage. Few seconds later, he kissed the cheek of a slender dark-haired man standing next to him among a roomful of cheers.

 

Marc huffed and turned off the TV. He went over to Kay, who’s standing in front of a full-length mirror in the bedroom, trying on his new suit.

 

They were in Marc’s house in Ludwigsburg this weekend for Bettina and Dennis’ wedding.

 

“Your ex-boyfriend won and he has a new twink boyfriend.” He snaked his arms around Kay, delivering the Bundestag election news.

 

Kay halted closing the cuff links, frowned, “where did you learn that term?”

 

“Gay Terminology 101... I am a fast learner.” Marc murmured. He began to kiss Kay’s neck, licking his earlobes.

 

Kay chuckled and swayed away from Marc’s kisses, “Hey... it’s ticklish. Scheiße, now I lost that cuff link.”

 

Marc smoothly picked up the silver cuff link on the floor and put it in Kay’s hand, continuing his kisses, “to be fair, that twink is not even half as hot as you.”

 

“Twink, that’s so year 2000.” Kay drawled dryly. Marc knew he had a hostile fixation on Jens Weber which Kay has given up trying to reason with him, now he just poked fun at him. “And it’s not a competition.”

 

Weber’s one-way-street texts finally stopped after Kay spoke to him on the phone after that Christmas in Ludwigsburg almost two years ago.

 

“Well, he’s never getting my vote.” Marc said with all the self-righteousness of a jealous boyfriend. Then suddenly he stopped the kissing, staring into the mirror, looking at Kay in his new suit.

 

“Shit... Kay...” Marc was dumbstruck by the sight.

 

“I’ve never owned a suit before. Never had the occasion to wear it.” Kay touched the lapel of the well fitted light grey Hugo Boss suit, which worked well for his blond hair. The white shirt and dark blue coloured silk tie made his light blue eyes popped. He seemed pleased with the suit.

 

Marc knew he must have that stupid infatuated expression on his face. The butterflies feeling he still got from time to time, just by looking at Kay. Even in the early days of their affair, Marc had sometimes questioned his love for Bettina: was it really love if one was capable of wanting someone else so much? Because he had never wanted anyone, anything, as much as he had wanted Kay.

 

He put his hands on both sides of Kay’s shoulders, “maybe you should only wear suits from now on....” then he playfully ruffled Kay’s hair, “though Bettina might not like it when you look better than the groom.”

 

“I think inviting me was all Dennis’s idea, so she’d know there’s no going back for you.” Kay leaned over to kiss him and whispered, “that you’re all mine.”

 

He grabbed the back of Marc’s head and deepened the kiss, sucking on his lips before slipping in his tongue for a leisure duel. Marc loved the evolution of their kisses, now they were sweet and unhurried, contrast to the all-consuming, urgent ones in their early days. Kay’s mouth was warm and tasted like peppermint gum. They both have been trying to cut down on their smoking, especially Kay, since he was training to join the Federal Criminal Police (Bundeskriminalamt) branch, which Horst had been urging him to apply. Marc has always thought that Kay could achieve more, but his laidback nature hadn’t been conducive to furthering his career. Kay has been joking that Marc and Horst were conspiring together to force him to become a responsible adult, but Marc knew he’s secretly happy to get the push, the encouragement.

 

Marc was about to change his mind about the suit on Kay, that he’d look even better off it, when the doorbell rang.

 

“Frank.” “Fuck.” they said at the same time.

 

Marc kissed Kay on the lips, “save that for later.” Then went to open the door. Kay flashed him a cocky grin and went back to the bedroom to change.

 

Frank came in with a case of beer, “I reckon you’d have an empty fridge.” He looked around, “where’s Kay?”

 

“He’s in the bedroom.” Marc took out a bottle opener and gestured Frank to go sit on the porch.

 

Frank raised his eyebrows, “shit, I didn’t interrupt you guys?”

 

Marc darted him a death stare, “he’s trying on his suit for the wedding tomorrow.”

 

Frank gave him sheepish grin and shrugged. Marc shook his head and passed him a bottle of beer.

 

Kay had once described Frank as someone who was unshakable. Give him enough time, he would get used to anything. He might have been surprised to find out Marc was attracted to men, but it took him all of two conversations to get on board and accept that his best friend was now bisexual. Which was more than fine with Marc, the last two years of living in Berlin has taught him that acceptance comes in different forms, no need to over-think the reason behind it.

 

“Does it feel weird to you? Going to Bettina’s wedding?” Frank asked, after taking a glance making sure Kay was not around.

 

Marc’s brow furrowed, “you mean does it feel weird because I’m not the groom? Or because I’m her ex?”

 

Frank shrugged.

 

Marc shook his head, “we hadn’t been a couple for nearly four years... though I’m not thrilled to attend to be honest.” He paused, “Kay doesn’t feel comfortable here but I don’t want to go by myself. And we both don’t want to turn down the invitation because we know Bettina and Dennis mean well.” He raked his hand through his hair, “at least my parents aren’t invited.”

 

“Your mum hasn’t changed her mind?”

 

“You tell me, you live closer to them.” Marc smiled bitterly. Frank still lived in the same residential community as his parents. Once upon a time, Bettina and he had lived there too. Good thing that he and Kay had decided to keep his house in Ludwigsburg, so he could visit Lukas once a month without having to stay with his parents, it’s also easier for Kay to come along when he could. With this mortgage, that meant they had to settle to rent a two-bedroom apartment in Berlin away from city centre, but it’s the best arrangement for now.

 

Frank knew better than to answer.

 

Marc took a gulp from his bottle, “she still refuses to say Kay’s name, always refers him as _‘that man’_ , sometimes I can let it go, but sometimes it makes me really angry.”

 

Frank reached out and patted Marc on the shoulder, “it’s ok. She will come around. Kay is not the first person who doesn’t get along with their in-laws. Your dad is ok with you two now, right? God knows Claudia’s father still thinks I don’t deserve her. He has no idea what a babe-magnet I am.”

 

Marc chuckled, “her father is right, she deserves better than you cheating ugly mug.” He remembered Frank’s brief fling with Britt years ago. How Marc was his only confidant back then.

 

“What does it say about us two? We had both cheated on our partner.” Marc said quietly, sobering up.

 

Frank pursed his lips, “it says I was just having a bit of fun. I love Claudia and Britt and I are still friends. But you? You married your mistress,” he laughed at his own joke.

 

“What mistress?” Kay showed up behind them. He has changed into a pair of navy blue board shorts and a grey tank top, looking sexy enough to melt rock under the sun. It’s a hot July weekend, Kay was going to sweat under that new suit at the garden wedding, Marc thought hazily. He gave Kay a bottle of beer, their hands brushed and they smiled at each other.

 

Frank cleared his throat, “I was saying Marc mar...”

 

“Frank!” Marc warned. Frank tipped his head back and laughed.

 

Kay looked between the two of them, shook his head and took a sip of his beer. He had that enigmatic smirk on his face when he looked at Marc again. The one he liked to use on Marc and knew full well its effect. Maybe he had heard what Frank said after all.

 

Marc looked down and smiled to himself. No, not everything was perfect, but it was damn close

 

 

 

THE END


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